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Episode Report Card
Heathen: C | 279 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Try Carter

Sam lightly slaps Abby's wrist for sneakily ordering the covert tox screen. "You totally boned me. I felt like an idiot," she scolds. Abby apologizes. "But, you were right," Sam grins, whipping out the tox screen results. Abby takes the paper and promises she'll tell Sam next time she alters another resident's workup. "You won't do it next time," Sam corrects her. Just then, GSW Guy and The Gang head for the elevators. "You talked [Corday] into it?" Abby gapes. "No," Carter lies. "Well, maybe a little," he concedes. Again: Ugh. Once everyone's loaded onto the lift and taken away, Abby takes the quiet moment to ask Carter what he thinks of her offer of dinner and meeting. "Do you still go?" he asks her. "I'll go if you go," she replies. "I'm good," Carter says by way of refusal. Abby clears her throat. "I see how hard you've thrown yourself into the job, Carter," she begins. "It's a hard job," he says. "So's sobriety," she replies pointedly. "And so's losing a child." Carter walks away from her in the middle of that thought, which isn't that nice, but then again, I'm not sure bringing up the dead Cartus and then referring to grief as his job was terribly thoughtful. For one thing, grief is surprisingly unprofitable.

Hapless Howard wants Luka. Don't we all, Howard. Don't we all. Abby asks him what's wrong. "I think his Jane Doe is having trouble breathing," he frets. Abby shunts him off onto the folks in respiratory therapy, because she has a really satisfying scene coming up with Ray and she doesn't want to miss it. And sure enough, as soon as Ray comes up to be annoying, Abby points out that he needs to alkanalize Funky Monk's urine. "Toxic aspirin level," she sing-songs, dropping the lab results into what I hope is Ray's empty coffee mug. Ray looks irritated and very much foiled, a mere step away from muttering that he would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids.

Yay! Susan! She appears in a very matronly-looking shirt and red skirt, holding her enormous baby. He apparently had an appointment with the pediatrician for some shots, presumably to halt any further rapid and unnatural growth. "Hi, Cosmo," Carter coos. COSMO? Since when?!? What is that, the drink she was pounding the night she and Chuck got drunkenly hitched? There is no WAY Susan Lewis would go for that. At least, not the real one -- the character of old, who actually did stuff on-screen. If they were going to do that, the least they could've done was hired Michael Richards to replace Donal Logue as her love interest. (Nothing against Donal Logue. I like him. He does well with very little.) Susan heads straight to the board and squints up at it as Carter gives her a light rundown of how things are running. Susan scans for the nurses, because she needs to hand off Cosmo before going to the bathroom. Carter stares at them, and gulps gently. "I could do it," he says tentatively. Nice line delivery. You can hear the nerves and the longing and the sadness, all at once. Susan's face registers all this but she clearly doesn't want to acknowledge the elephant in the room because sometimes they don't like to be the center of attention. So she keeps it casual as she hands over Cosmo and gets the spit-up cloth in place. "That's what he does -- spit up, poop, eat, sleep, repeat. Just like his Daddy!" she giggles. Carter asks how Chuck is taking to fatherhood. "You mean motherhood," Susan cracks. "I swear the guy's more maternal than I am." She thanks Carter and dashes off. Cosmo gurgles. Carter stares. "She'll be right back," Carter says. Cosmo gurgles and Carter tries not to love it, but can't help it. Aw. I actually felt for him here. Love him or hate him, he'd have doted on his child.

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