ER
Try Carter

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Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
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Try Carter

Shane West ambles over in the guise of "Ray" -- meaning, he threw a lab coat over whatever he wore to set that day. Carter hands him a drunk guy who was found on the street with a blood-alcohol level of five hundred. Apparently, the guys has to sober up before Neurosurgery will take a look at him, and MRI is too booked to take him. "What am I supposed to do?" Ray asks. "Babysit," Carter smirks. "Hang a banana bag, and I would hunt around for a mop and bucket." Frank chortles at this, so Ray bets him forty bucks that he gets the drunk into MRI in twenty minutes. Frank starts the clock. What follows is a really lame, unfunny, and I think badly constructed montage of "wackiness" that's driven by overly aggressive "funny" music, all showcasing Ray's craaaaaazy bet with Frank. But the problem is, I only barely understand what Ray does, and it doesn't make me think he's charming, smart, irreverent, or interesting. In a nutshell: Ray checks out a nurse while he calls MRI and gets rejected; he snags someone I think is a technician and asks for the MRI schedule, and then studies it with glee; he steals two med students from Abby; he takes them upstairs and delivers the clunkiest of expository lines ("I heard you had a good one up here in the ICU..." -- because of course real doctors always have to remind themselves where they are), and then he apparently jiggers with the schedule, sending his students to work up a guy who has other problems, and then stealing that MRI spot for his drunk. Except that's a better explanation that the way it was written. Also, the nurse gives Ray googly eyes for no apparent reason -- this is how we know he's "appealing." The whole thing was totally unfunny. But he wins his forty dollars, so bully for boring, fugly Ray.

Neela goes to a Starbucks to speak with a manager. She gets an oily self-important squid of a person who, typically, wants to know what her coffee experience is. Sadly, this is totally the way it happens -- somebody shows up with all the academic credentials you could want, but if they haven't worked retail, no one bothers to consider them teachable; instead, they're sent away. This happened to someone I know. Businesses are stupid. Anyway, as Squid asks her about her café experience, Neela smiles and says, "I'm used to working in a busy hospital, so I think I can handle a few coffee orders." Squid cocks his eyebrow. The gauntlet has been thrown. "Oh yeah? How do you prepare a venti triple-skim no-foam caramel macchiatto?" he dares her. Neela gulps. She's not armed for this kind of battle. (Although if she had a scalpel on her, she could make sushi of this sludgeheap.)

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