Try Carter

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Heathen: C- | Grade It Now!
Try Carter

Carter sees Pratt sitting down and filling out paperwork. "You have time to sit, you have time to treat patients," he says shortly. Pratt slowly gets to his feet and shuffles off. We then land on Shane West, who is having an unconvincing phone call with somebody about drug-testing patients without their consent. "Ray" hangs up the phone in a tizzy. "Calling Mom?" Abby asks. "The bike courier's boss wants us to drug-test him," Ray replies. "[But] there's no need." He then snots that the head CT Abby forced him to order was negative. As they arrive at Funky Monk's bedside, Abby asks, "Do you remember your doctor's name?" Funky Monk searches his brain. Then he brightens. "That guy!" he says, pointing to Ray. He fails another question, but then Ray shows off how hip and edgy he is by asking Funky Monk to rattle off the first three chords of "Californication," which of course he does to perfection. Abby is like, oh, whatever, pissant. Ray insists that this is proof that nothing is wrong. He has a point -- this dope would be able to recite that but nothing else -- and yet I love that Ray is missing what are blatant signs of a problem -- the speech patterns in the first scene being one. It's obvious so that the viewer knows that's what is wrong, and in being that obvious, it means Ray is dangerously oblivious and assy in not seeing it too, and thereby makes him unlikeable. More so, at least. Abby wants a drug test, but Ray refuses, saying it could go on his record if this becomes a workman's comp case, and Funky Monk could lose his job just for smoking a little pot. Hey, Malarkey got away with it -- the kid just needs to drop a helicopter on his boss and everything will work out fine. When Ray leaves, Abby sidles up to Sam and asks her to add a tox screen to Funky Monk's spate of tests. "Sure," chirps an oblivious Sam.

Neela is at the mall, which is surprisingly bustling for a shopping center on the Fourth of July. Aren't a lot of stores closed on national holidays? Or is it October in her storyline? Anyway, a blonde bitch at a clothing boutique gives Neela the Pretty Woman treatment, so Neela leaves feeling like a discouraged, undesirable, and unfashionable piece of dirt. I can't wait until she gets a job at, like, Saks, and swans back in wearing a fur-trimmed uniform or something so that she can say, "Big mistake. HUGE."

Howard dutifully takes forever to suture somebody. Carter watches. "I like them to be the same length," Howard says intensely. Carter shrugs. Then Malik bolts past. "Hey, Malik, where's the fire?" Carter cracks. "Exam Three," Malik replies. Carter resumes flipping through his chart, then double-takes and dashes after Malik. That was well-timed by Noah Wyle. Apparently, someone set off a stink bomb, and there's smoke and stench everywhere. Delicious! Then Carter whirls around and spies an incorrectly set wrist fracture, perpetrated by RoboStudent and his earpiece of crazy. Carter explains that the wrist can't be set at an angle, which RoboStudent repeats into his microphone. Eh, I'm bored of this scene. Summary: Carter basically saves a woman from wrist-related treachery.

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