Walk Like A Man

Episode Report Card
Heathen: C+ | Grade It Now!
Walk Like A Man

Dr. Greg "Ima" Pratt sidles up to a triage nurse, stationed behind a plexiglass window, and starts trying to chat her up. The nurse has no interest in Pratt's smooth-as-glass-shards charisma. Abby passes and notices Pratt's lack of suavitude. "Nothing to do, Pratt?" she wonders lightly. "I'm orienting Lola," he sputters. "Mona," says the triage nurse boredly. Abraham Benrubi's name passes in the credits, and it's either an old card, or he's reverted back to the one-word spelling of his surname.

Abby proceeds into the triage waiting area and calls for one Melanie Shepherd, whose son is clinging to her leg. "I'll be back in a minute, honey," Melanie coos. "Where's Mommy going?" little Bobby asks. "Stop whining and sit down," spits Snappy Dad, shoving Bobby into a seat. Bobby -- for some reason not getting that his father's crabby and hates tears -- weeps that he wants to go home. "What are you, a baby?" Snappy Dad bitches. Bobby whimpers, because he's dumb. "Is that what big boys do?" brats Snappy Dad. "Shut UP!" Bobby sobs louder and louder, because he's the dumbest little boy in the world's long and storied history of dumb, which includes such gems as foot-binding, geocentrism, the flat-world theory, and Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Dr. Michael "A Hundred Times Better Than Pratt" Gallant passes Bobby and Snappy Dad and bristles at the commotion. "Mommy's not going to get better if you don't knock it off," Snappy Dad says cruelly, scarring his poor child for life. Bobby does the predictable thing and starts wailing, just like we knew he'd do. Bobby always wails. Ever since we've known him, he's been a wailer. "Sir, do you need anything?" Gallant asks politely. Snappy Dad fires back that an offer of help would've been nice three hours ago, when they first arrived. This upsets Bobby. I feel for Bobby, but at this point in our relationship, I think I know Bobby well enough to predict that a fluffy teddy bear would somehow upset Bobby. Spilled milk would pretty much send him straight to therapy. Of course, Snappy Dad is a total fuckpants, so that's also a factor.

Gallant hates this scene, and reluctantly backs away from it. He bumps into Pratt, who'd been watching with his typical mocking gaze. "Almost got yourself a badge, there, Mikey," Pratt condescends. "I'm guessing Eagle Scout." Gallant patiently explains that he didn't want to make the situation worse, so he stopped intervening. "Did you make it any better?" counters Pratt. "At least I tried," Gallant defends himself. But Pratt has walked away, seeking other moods to ruin.

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