Ben opens the door to the Goon Squad. There's some unfunny stuff making Ben look like a twelve-stepper desperate for a partner in backtracking, and unable to find one. He directs Greg and Eugene to Eric, who's sitting in his car stewing. The boys tell Eric to step on it -- they're going to UNEC. A slow, determined smile breaks across Eric's face. "Let's beat traffic," he snarls. Greg brightens. "Shotgun!" he calls. Eugene wails in protest.
The freshmen and Hal are glued to the television, and they're watching WWF wrestling. One of the Dudley Boyz is savaging Lita. Steven wants to know what he's missed -- and apparently, he's missed it all. They're done. "No boobs, no P.B.," announces P.B., who leaves. Hal staggers slowly to his feet. "I feel dirty," he moans. "I don't like myself right now." Heath still tosses him the Spring Break cassette, and Hal is grateful. He promises to return it "once I'm done with it." Steven doesn't look nearly as skeeved by this as he should. He plops dejectedly into a chair. There's no cookie dough left for him, and Shaggy pretty much passed out in his seat, his arm still clutching a giant bin that's been emptied. He pouts. And Bubba Ray Dudley does something fiendish and sadistic to his opponent, as usual.
Lizzie looks pensive.
Eric's car screeches down the road, speeding.
Steven glumly stares at a photograph.
Eric's tires squeal again as he parks illegally in front of the dorm.
The photo Steven's holding is of him and Lizzie hugging in front of a tree, and Steven's priceless expression is one of someone who hates being in photos and doesn't know how to seem natural in one. I should know. I am that person. I have actually hidden behind other people in group shots. Steven chucks the photo onto his bed and strides purposefully around the dorm in search of his girlfriend.
As Steven heads down the hall, Lizzie rounds a corner, her dark hair sleek and glossy and straight. Ordinarily, I'd rant here about the unfairness of girls morphing into perfect models simply by straightening their hair -- as if curls are a hallmark of ugly ducklings -- but I think I'm getting too militant about that, what with the way I yelled at Keri Russell when a Felicity promo came on last night. Plus, I straighten my hair all the time for special occasions. So in a sense, I'm a giant hypocrite. Hooray! "I am so sorry," Steven blurts. "Your hair looks beautiful." Lizzie scowls adorably. "Better than Girls Gone Wild?" she pouts. Steven swears it's a thousand times better, and they bolt for each other. "That's all I wanted!" she coos. They kiss. "God, their hair sucks," Steven says when he breaks for air. Hee. The elevator door opens right when Steven's tongue goes in for the kill, and Eric's smiling, happy face falls into a shocked and crushed expression. Greg and Eugene gape. "Close the door," Eugene mutters. Greg hits the button, and as the doors close, Eric makes a charge at the happy couple. His friends hold him back. That was sad! I actually felt sorry for Eric, even though Steven is my main hero.