Previously on Everwood: Everybody hurts, for various reasons. It's like a regular REM song up in here, with Irv and Edna yelling and separating, Patch telling Amy about her boyfriend knocking up that other girl, and Treat feeling conflicted about...everything.
While AB's off engaging in chaos, I am here to step in her tiny, cute shoes. I've considered using this little entry to start a good v. evil battle royale cage match between y'all Everwoodians and the cocksuckers over at Deadwood, where I normally reside, but I can't risk having AB beat me down in front of the whole internet, so I gotta ackrite.
In this very special episode of Everwood, Irv opens with the voice-over. He's working on his book, thinking about the people who have come to live in this little mountain town he now calls home. We see Edna sitting down to a sad dinner for one, Amy wallowing in a bed of sadness, and Ephram...not sad about anything, because like all teenage boys, he's oblivious to all the mess he's caused.
Irv sends us swirling into the opening music, reminding us all that "just when you think Fate is done kicking you around and maybe it's time to hope again -- that's when the real surprises come." (Irv, say it ain't so. I, myself, am a little tired of Fate and all the kicking. Leave me alone, Fate!)
Patch's first duty of the workday is to turn in his resignation. "Your...typewritten letter of resignation," Treat says. "This is very thoughtful, Harold, thank you. I hate to be ungrateful, but why, exactly, are you resigning this morning?" Patch says he feels that Treat will want to fire him when he hears what he has to say. "I've done something you will, no doubt, and rightly, find upsetting." Treat: "Did you finish the half-and-half again?"
Cute, but no. It seems that Patch told Amy the truth about Ephram and Madison and their little love child, never meant to be. Treat's smile fades as Patch explains that he couldn't go on lying to Amy, because she deserved to know the truth. Treat asks if Amy has told Ephram.
Patch explains that no, she didn't tell him. He says she doesn't know what to do because she's a girl, in love with her boyfriend, and feels he should know the truth, but doesn't want to upset him right before the biggest audition of his life. I'm a little put off by that "girl in love with her boyfriend" thing. They're kids! Stop with the Romeo and Juliet "in love with her boyfriend" stuff. I know these are big issues, but that doesn't make them any less, you know, teen-aged. It makes me feel weird.