The lovely writers at Everwood have decided to bring us something called "A Thanksgiving Tale," which scares me in a very special way. This better be good.
We open with a black screen and the episode title, "A Thanksgiving Tale," written in fancy floral script. I think my wedding invitations were printed in this font, but at least it's not Comic Sans or something.
A grizzly bearded stranger wanders through the woods, and Irv starts his narration at once: "Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, there lived a man who was hardly a man. He had forgotten the way voices sound, so long had he been exiled." Oh, boy. This guy is going to be "important," isn't he? Irv continues: "Exiled to a cold dark hovel at the center of the forest." Grizzly squints as a truck's headlights pull up the road near where he's standing. It appears that the truck is on loan from the set of The Waltons. Blah blah more voice-over: "…This legend is kept only by the faithful." Grizzly watches as a man gets out of the truck and sets a box down by the side of the road. Hmm. "As for this man, you could say he's still living, but you could also say he's been erased from humankind." Okay, why isn't Irv getting on my nerves? I don't understand it, but I'm not going to question it.
Grizzly opens the box in his shack. It's full of books. What, no Ramen noodles? No Vienna sausage? Oh, there's a turkey, too. Butterball, from the looks of it.
Brown house. Andy's trying to decide whether to carve the turkey first or cook it first. He goes on to explain that carving it first would be better, but is interrupted by my sweet Ephram, who tells him to "give it up." I told my mom to give it up one time, and it was my last, I can tell you that for free. Delia chimes in that "Mom had a turkey that was too big once," and Ephram says that their mom said once it was garnished, no one would know. I really don't understand how some parsley is going to hide the fact that you have a giant turkey, but I'm no gourmet chef.
Delia brings out a cookbook and proclaims, "It's all in here." Did I mention how cute she is? Gah. She and Ephram reminisce about their mom's cooking, and Delia wants to know if they can make Thanksgiving "like Mom's." Aw, man. That's really pretty sad, isn't it? Andy tries to get out of it by saying that their mom was really into these things, and then has a "brilliant idea." Ephram looks pained as Andy gets on the phone and orders them up a whole box of Thanksgiving dinner from "Mama Joy's." I guess that's the name of the diner that I couldn't figure out last week. Delia gives Ephram a "What the F?" look as we go to the credits.
I would like to state for the record that I have changed my mind about the opening music. As much as it hurts me to say it, I think it works. Hush.