Episode Report Card
AB Chao: B+ | 1 USERS: A+
get the test. It's negative. They both look sort of devastated. Rose asks just how accurate these tests are. Welcome to my world, Abbotts. Patch says "fairly," and wonders why she's asking. Rose says she knows her own body, and trusts herself more than a plastic stick. Patch tells her to come by the office for a blood test, which will give them a more accurate result. Rose says she would actually rather go to Edna: "You haven't been able to locate my veins since med school." Patch says that's fine, and that he should be getting back to work. Rose, on the verge of tears, says she should as well. Life sucks.

Nina and Veneers are at the grocery store. Nina tells him he's going to ruin his appetite if he doesn't quit snacking. Veneers tells her, rather patronizingly, that she sounds like his mom. Nina doesn't catch his tone; she jokes that they all get the same training tapes. I hope she drops a jar of spaghetti sauce on his foot. No, his balls. They chat about cooking, and Nina says she loves cooking for Jake, since he'll try anything. Veneers asks Nina if she's in love with his brother. Nina says she doesn't think they're quite there yet, but they'll just see what happens. Veneers says she might want to get a move on with that, so Dimples will bring her to L.A. with him when he moves home. What the FUCK. Veneers continues to run his stupid mouth, disclaiming that he feels like a total ass for saying this -- which he obviously doesn't -- but he told Dimples to break up with her. Nina: "Really. That was sweet of you." She walks to the next aisle, trying to pretend she doesn't have to spend the next two days with this dicksmack. Veneers catches up with her and tries to explain that he was trying to save Nina the heartache, so technically, he was looking out for her. Nina wants to know how he knows Dimples is moving back to L.A. Veneers says Dimples doesn't belong in Everwood -- he sticks out. Nina says he doesn't stick out, he stands out, which is so cheesy it's awesome, and adds that Veneers has only been there for one day, so maybe he should keep his opinions to himself. Veneers tells Nina that Dimples is broke: he's got malpractice costs, med school loans, the note on the place he still hasn't sold in L.A., and he's not making nearly as much money as he was. Veneers says he just wanted her to give her the heads-up, because he likes her. He says this just about how you'd tell somebody you like ass cancer. Go away, Veneers. Forever. Nina looks pissed off and hurt, but says nothing.

Let's move on to something cheerful. Amy and Hannah are shopping for a dress for Amy's big date. Hannah tells her she thinks they should start off again with a bang. Amy says it's not really starting off -- it's more like they almost got cancelled, then everyone decided they loved them, so they got picked up for another season. Hannah tells Amy she watches way too much TV. Amy says she doesn't want to freak Ephram out on their first date back, so she can't wear something too crazy. Hannah says their relationship has been like a Greek tragedy so far, so everything should be pretty easy from here on out. Amy agrees, and confesses that she's starting to think their relationship could really work, like, forever. Oh, Amy. Hannah says they could be high school sweethearts who made it, just like her parents, or Amy's, for that matter. Oh, Hannah. They giggle and chat and try on dresses some more, and it's very cute. It's also very misguided.

Dimples blows into his office and announces to the Abbotts, who are there waiting, "Well, you're not pregnant. But no real surprise there, right?" He sees their disappointed faces and is all, "I'm sorry, I figured you knew." Rose admits that she is surprised; she truly thought she was pregnant. Dimples says if they are interested in conceiving, there's a lot of stuff they could try, but they'd need first to get a sperm count from Patch to check his motility. Patch: "You needn't concern yourself with my motility, Doctor." Hee. They'd probably also want to check Patch's morphology, pH, and volume. Hello, I am an expert. Life sucks. Rose tells Patch he's been telling her for weeks that her symptoms were all stress-related. Patch: "Yes, and yesterday you thought you were pregnant." Rose says she is not the doctor. Patch says he's glad she understands that. Rose gives him a look, and Dimples is like, "Uh, okay. Aaanyway." Rose asks Dimples what he would say if she were a patient of his, and she came to him complaining of back problems, constant fatigue, and nausea. Dimples says it's a little early, but it might be menopause. Wow, from pregnancy to menopause in five minutes. That's quite a leap. He says he'd want to do a few more tests as well, which statement Patch interrupts to say he can do at his own office. Rose: "Excuse me, but I asked Dr. HARTMAN." Patch asks her where on earth this hostility is coming from. They start to bicker, and Dimples is like, "All righty then. I'm just going to stand here while you fight. And by the way? Awkward." Rose storms out. Dimples looks at Patch questioningly, and Patch tells him to shut up. Hee. Commercials.

Abbott House. Bright tells Ephram he heard about his and Amy's big date, and proudly suggests that he might have had just a little to do with that. Ephram's like, "Wait a minute. Date?" He tells Bright it's not even technically a date; they're just hanging out, seeing how it goes. Bright says he might want to tell Amy that, because word on the street is that they've officially moved back to Coupleville. Ephram says no, it ain't like that -- it's not as if he doesn't miss her, but he just can't be her boyfriend again right now. Bright says he probably should have told her all that stuff before she bought the dress. Ephram: "She went...shopping?" Bright tells him he doesn't have to "pop an aneurysm" over this, he just has to tell Amy where he's coming from. Ephram says he can do that. Amy comes down in her hot little dress, grins hugely, and asks Ephram if he's ready to go. Bright calls after them, "You kids have fun!"

Dimples's house, which is pretty cool in its all-white, pale-wooded, minimalist way. Treat is there with them. The men talk while Nina fixes dinner. Veneers says he can't believe they're having drinks at 5:30, and dinner at 6:30. He says it's been a while since he's eaten dinner that early, which earns him a look from Nina. He goes on, "I mean, back home? The good restaurants don't even open until seven!" Shut up. I hate you. Please die. You suck. Life sucks. Nina snarks, "Well, we have to get to bed early around here, so we can get up and milk the cows." Dimples, oblivious, laughs. "She's kidding! She doesn't have any cows!" Oh, he is so cute. Dumb, but cute. He says it does take a while to get used to the slower pace around here. Nina, getting angrier by the second, says she didn't realize he was so bored. Treat tries to diffuse the situation: "Do I smell cumin? I love cumin." Dimples says that's not what he meant, and asks Treat to help him out. Treat: "No, no, it's paprika, that's what it is! They're both reddish, I get confused." Veneers says something stupid, and Nina slams the oven door. Everyone looks uncomfortable. Nina burns her hand on a pan. She says it's just his kitchen, and it was stupid to cook here. Dimples says they could have done it at her place. Nina says she's just really exhausted, and not even that hungry, so she's going to go. She tells them to have a boys' night, and they all protest. Nina says, "No, seriously, that way you could all eat at eight, or nine, or whenever, and then you can all pretend that you're back in a big city." She leaves. Veneers asks if there are any good bars in this town. HATE.

Abbott/Brown Office. Patch tells Rose, who is getting re-dressed, that Louise should have her X-rays in a few minutes. Rose says shortly, "That's fine." Patch sighs and asks Rose what she wants from him. Rose apologizes, and says she doesn't know what's wrong with her. She says, initially, sh

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