Best Laid Plans

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Best Laid Plans

We open in Scooter's office. Feisty Nurse Edna, who has obviously taken her job back, bustles around the office, singing loudly and badly. She encourages us to let her tell us 'bout the birds, and the bees, and the flowers, and also the trees. Ephram walks in and interrupts her concert. He tells her she sounds a little like Rod Stewart. Edna says she'll accept that, and asks him what he needs. Ephram needs to see Scooter, and although he hasn't made an appointment, Edna sends him right on back. Ah, small-town life. It really is convenient, except when one needs an abortion or birth-control pills.

Ephram waits on an examining table for Scooter, and when he walks in, OH MY GOD THE DIMPLES. Scooter is super-excited when he finds out that the real live son of Treat is sitting right in his office. He gives Ephram a big hug, and tells him all about how awesome his dad is. Ephram, however, is more interested in getting tested..."for whatever." Scooter tries to be all calm, like, "Absolutely, of course we can do that. No problem. None at all. No, seriously." Ephram is relieved. As Ephram fills out a form detailing his sexual history, Scooter will completely not shut up about Treat, to the point that Ephram just starts ignoring him. "So I love your dad, he's so cool, I wish we could be totally in love. Hey, I love cats, and I bet your dad loves cats, too. BEST FRIENDS!" "So, how long will the results take?" Scooter tells Ephram that since he's not an intravenous drug user, and he's only had one partner, he is at a low risk of having contracted any STDs. Ephram admits that he didn't use protection twice, and the condom broke once. Wow, that sounds kind of high risk if, say, one were trying to prevent...pregnancy? Scooter says they'll take Ephram's test right then, and have the results for him in a few days. As Scooter walks out of the room, he looks back guiltily at sweet young Ephram, and we go to the credits.

Diner. Nina's rushing around doing her waitress thing, and Scooter (we meet again!) greets her, "How's it goin', beautiful?" Man, I'm going to have to teach that one to my husband. Nina begs Scooter to spare her the sweet talk and say he can do short-order. Heh. Scooter asks Nina how it went with telling her dream guy about her love for him. After some waffling, Nina admits that she hasn't said the first word about it. Scooter finds this unacceptable, and tells her that she has to say something immediately. Step back, Scoots. Nina says the right moment just hasn't come up. Scooter says he just hates to see her wasting her time pining, because that makes two of them, and it's a total waste of energy. Aw. You may step up now, Scoots. Nina is scared that if she crosses the line from friendship to something more, it will mess everything up and their friendship will change. Scooter points out that it already has, at least for Nina, and not being honest is no kind of friendship at all. He adds, "And besides, if you don't tell him, I'm going to keep on flirting with you." Nina blushes, and ponders the wise words of the Scoot-man.

Cut to two cute girls in a bathroom. Hannah whines that she's "not ready for this." Amy says it won't hurt a bit. The camera pulls back, and we see that what Hannah isn't ready for is contacts. Rose interrupts to say that she's leaving for her mother's, and she'll be back on Monday. Hannah screams, "Oh my God I think it's stuck inside my eyeball!" Amy tries to assist, and Rose asks if they should be doing this. Amy says they're fine. Hannah retrieves the errant contact. Amy spins Hannah around and forces her mother to say that Hannah looks great without her glasses. Rose complies, and tells the girls to have fun. Amy tells Hannah that it may hurt now, but it'll be worth it in the long run. She's all, "Remember the first time you shaved your legs, and it was traumatic, but now it's like nothing?" Hannah: "No, it's still traumatic." She then deftly turns the subject to more important things, like finding out if Bright is home. Amy says he's working today. Hannah gets all guilty, and Amy finally gets it. She advises Hannah to stay away from Bright, because he's just not on her level. "There's a huge gap between someone who's never kissed a guy, and someone who's been with half of County. He's Tiger Woods, and you're playing miniature golf." Hannah: "I've never even held a club." Hee! Amy tells Hannah to just forget about Bright, and she'll totally find someone better for her. Hannah's all, "Sigh. Okay. So when's Bright getting home?" Amy throws a book at her, and they giggle a lot.

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