We open in front of the movie theater. The Last Samurai is the only unfortunate option on the marquis. Irv tells us, "There's a particular brand of pit that grows in your stomach when you know you're losing control and there's nothing you can do about it. Heavy as granite, and moldering." Thanks, Irv, for that line from The Book of Retarded. Ephram "Dump Her Already" Brown and Madison "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Bucky" Poppins bounce up to the theater. Ephram's mad because they're late, and tells Madison that they could have made it if they didn't have to go to a movie theater in another town, so nobody would see them together. Madison suggests that he get the tickets, while she buys the snacks. There's some "cute" bickering which I will not be recapping. Ephram heads to the ticket counter and asks for two for the above-mentioned Tom Cruise ("I'm not gay! I'm Japanese!") film. The ticket guy asks Ephram for some ID. Hee. Ephram's all, "What? No way, dude." The ticket guy suggests that Ephram see the 8:15 showing of Rugrats, if he's interested. Ooh, burn. Ephram tries to get the increasingly agitated ticket guy to sell him tickets, saying, "I'm on a date. You look like the kind of guy who could appreciate that. No, I'm not saying I don't think you don't get a lot of action…" Quit while your ahead, pretty boy. The ticket guy's all, "Next." Finally, Madison comes to Ephram's rescue, flashing her ID and buying the tickets. Ticket Guy says, "And…are you this boy's parent or guardian?" Ha! Y'all deserve it.
Cut to Treat and Rinda, drinking wine romantically by a romantic fire of romance. They're also playing a romantic game of…Scrabble? Rinda gives Treat the bedroom eyes and puts down "fondle." They start to kiss, and Treat gives Rinda the total shaft, saying he has to go, since it's nine o'clock, and he has to pick up Delia. Rinda tries to be a good sport, but she knows Treat just acted a fool. As Treat leaves, Irv continues, "It's the way we're built, I suppose. Unnatural reaction to the unstoppable spin of the earth below, forever trying to wrest control of life, love, work, and home. And when we can't get control there, we'll fight for it where we can." We fade to Treat and Ephram on the couch. Treat is watching a nature show, and Ephram tries to get his dad to change the channel. They bicker about the show, and how they both had shitty dates. "Have a nice time?" "Great, amazing, better than great. You?" "Fantastic. Couldn't be better." Irv finishes, "As if we think we could stop the world from spinning just by being mad." And after the longest teaser in history…credits.