Everwood
Everwood, Confidential

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"If It Weren't For You Meddling Kids!"

Cut to Ephram, with a bouquet of flowers. He rings Laynie's doorbell. Before she answers, he tosses the flowers into the bushes. He tells himself, "Don't screw up. Don't screw up. Do NOT screw up." Aw. I love him. Of course, when Laynie opens the door, he does screw up. She asks him what he's doing there, and he says he has no idea. I have a blue jean jacket exactly like Laynie's. That was apropos of absolutely nothing, but I just thought you'd like a little peek into my outerwear wardrobe. Oh, you didn't? Shut up. Ephram looks at Laynie blankly, then runs to get the flowers out of the bushes. He does a cute little toss so they'll be right side up, then hands them to Laynie. She tries not to look pleased, and Ephram asks her if they're still on for Saturday. Laynie says she's busy. Ephram: "I know, but you're not really busy, right?" Laynie calls him out on his uncomfortableness the day before, and wonders if he's embarrassed of her or something. Ephram tells her that he's going to mess things up all the time, but that she needs to give him a real chance to screw up. "I mean, I am capable of such stupidity, you would be wasting my talent to end this now." Hee! So cute. He begs her to go out with him, and that he's so terrible on the second date, she shouldn't miss it. Laynie asks where they're going. Ephram tells her it's a surprise. Laynie's no dummy: she says Ephram has no idea where they're going, does he? He admits that he doesn't. Laynie smiles flirtatiously and tells Ephram she'll see him tomorrow. She shuts the door and looks happy. Yay!

Treat and Patch are interrogating Marv again. Treat asks him if that really is Horace Hempleman in his back yard. Marv ignores treat and says to Patch, "Hal, is that you? I didn't even see you come in!" Patch asks him how "Peaches" is, and Marv says that she's fine, that she bought him the shirt he's wearing. Treat sidles up to Patch and whispers, "Ask him about the body." No, please don't, Patch. Please end this silliness right now, and we can all go out for cocktails. Patch says that it would be useless. Suddenly, but not suddenly enough for this to be over, Marv asks Patch/Hal, "You didn't tell anyone our secret, didja?" Patch says that he didn't. He sits down across from Marv and says, "Was it Horace Hempleman that you buried?" Marv tells Patch that Peaches adored the "fellow," and that she only had eyes for..."JIM." Oh, yes. Jim. Who is going to totally end up being some dog or cat or neighbor's rabbit, and not a person. And I didn't say that after I'd seen the episode, either, friends. Bet five thousand. Patch and Treat both wonder who the hell Jim is, and Marv continues, "I didn't mean to kill him, Hal! You know I didn't!" More Wacky Mystery Music plays.

Patch and Treat walk out, still wondering who Jim is. Treat says that the police can't hold Marvin, because there's no evidence that a "Jim" ever existed. Patch says that Everwood will still think his dad had something to do with it, and that "this town holds onto a juicy scandal like it was the Shroud of Turin." Hee. I did a report on the Shroud of Turin in the sixth grade, and I still perk up when somebody mentions it. Ah, the life of a gigantic nerd. Patch says that he couldn't handle it if his father's name weren't cleared. Treat has a bright idea! They will send Edna to Town Hall to cross-reference and check and blah blah, and find every Jim that ever lived in Everwood. They get all excited. Treat tells Patch to go to his office and start assembling the bones from the site, and that he's right behind him. Patch asks him what he's going to do in the meantime. Treat: "I gotta make dinner first." Good daddy! Fight the power!

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Everwood

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