Everwood, Confidential

Episode Report Card
AB Chao: C | Grade It Now!
"If It Weren't For You Meddling Kids!"

Treat's Office of Stupid Mysteries. Patch is putting together the bones from Marv's back yard. Edna walks in and asks him, "Burning the midnight oil, Junior?" Patch says he's just diligent. He's drinking a Red Bull. Mmmm, Red Bull. Can I get one of those, but with vodka in it, please? Damn, where are all the waiters around here? Edna tells Patch that she remembers Peaches talking about a "Jim," but she can't remember who he is. She tells Patch that he's just like his dad -- couldn't stop something he'd started, or let a patient down. Patch says that "it's a disgrace that the Luddites in this town would besmirch his name with these ridiculous allegations." Patch talks pretty. Edna says that it's nice of Patch to defend his dad, but that he doesn't really need defending. Edna asks Patch if he really thinks his dad was involved. Patch says he doesn't know; he worked beside him for twelve years and still doesn't feel like they ever got to know one another, and that their relationship was a lot more formal than he would have liked. Edna comes over to help Patch with the bones, and he cries, "NO! This can't be right!" Edna tells him it's a pelvic bone with two halves. Yes, but when Patch holds it up...it's girl bones! What a surprise TWIST! Commercial. Fix Red Bull and vodka. Heavy on the vodka. Oops, no Red Bull! Just vodka, then.

Ezekiel's. An older black man is playing some fancy piano. Ephram and Laynie sit alone at a table. Ephram says, "Aw, he's just showing off." Laynie comments that the piano player is older than her grandfather, and she can't believe his fingers can move that fast. Laynie looks super-pretty tonight, too. She wears lots of red. I like it. Ephram's wearing a turtleneck straight out of J. Crew's clearance sale, but he still pulls it off, somehow. Laynie asks him how the heck he got them into the bar. Ephram says he's got connections, and that he's "all kinds of dangerous." Laynie giggles, and says, "I don't know how to break this to you..." Ephram: "You're married." Laynie: "No." Ephram: "You're leaving the country." Laynie: "Stop!" Ephram: "You're marrying Bright and then leaving the country?" Hee. Laynie says that she doesn't know how to break this to him, but he's not messing up their date. Ephram looks relieved. He says he'd try to kiss her under normal circumstances, but...the camera focuses on Treat, sitting at the bar. Laynie sees Treat, too, and says she's got them covered. She kisses him. Yay! Ephram looks at Laynie after their kiss, and it's clear that he was pretending to be kissing me. I mean, the look on his face just totally says, "Wow, that was good...AB Chao. And I LOVE that shirt on you. Kiss me again." Doesn't it? He says, "Smooth." Laynie: "I know. I'm all kinds of dangerous." Squeeeeeeeee!

Treat and Patch are sitting at the bar. Treat can't stop sneezing. He says he's not getting sick. Patch asks him if he even got a flu shot. Treat says, "We've never been around each other this much in a two-day period, and I'm starting to realize why." Patch wonders why they're at Ezekiel's, anyway. Treat tells him about Ephram's date. Patch looks around at Ephram and Laynie, and says, "Your underage son has a date at a bar?" Treat says he's chaperoning. Patch: "You've got bigger problems than just murder." Heh. Treat says he's just trying to encourage Ephram's relationship with his jazz-playing piano teacher...whom he hates. He says in their twisted family rubric, it actually makes sense, then orders "a water with a Kleenex chaser." Treat asks Patch what they've got. Patch says it looks pretty bleak, since they've got bones with nothing attached to them, and a perpetrator with no memory. Treat says he admires Patch for working so hard to clear his father's name, and then remarks, "You were right about Ephram -- I've got all the parenting instincts of a ficus." Did you also know that ficuses are terribly irritable and drop their leaves at any sign of trauma or movement or you didn't take the trash out early enough or...well, anything? It's true. I will never tiptoe around a damned diva ficus again in my life. They are the Whitney Houstons of the houseplant world. Patch tells Treat that when he tried to teach Bright how to ride a bike, he got so mad he made Bright cry. Treat says he's sure it was only the once, but no: Patch made him cry "when I tried to teach him how to swim...and shave." Aw! I love that Bright is mentioned, but I sure wish he were actually in the episode. We finally get Delia back, and now no Bright? Berlanti is toying with us, I see that now.

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