Abbott House of Pain. Amy's lying in bed, watching cartoons. Doesn't she have to get up for school? Patch walks in and opens her curtains. He tells her that Woodrow Wilson was the president of Princeton before he became President of the United States. Amy says she was unaware of that. Oh, just so we're all clear, Amy is wearing her Sad Face, because she's SAD. Her boyfriend DIED, and she is DEPRESSED. There will be a quiz. SAD. Patch tells Amy that she will be aware of lots of things about Princeton by the next afternoon, because she's having tea with the actual admissions rep from Princeton. Heh. Patch is all proud of himself. Amy sits up and asks her dad if it's okay that she's not sure she wants to apply there. Ha! Not apply at the alma mater of Sars? Nonsense! Patch says that he doesn't see why she wouldn't want the chance to walk the same halls Eugene O'Neill, F. Scott Fitzgerald, or Jimmy Stewart all did. (Patch does Jimmy Stewart as he says the name, and it's pretty good.) Patch gives Amy a bunch of printouts with Princeton information on it. He's about seven shades of overboard here. "Eight percent Latino!" he informs his totally uninterested daughter. Before he leaves, Patch opens Amy's closet and says, "And if I may be so bold as to make one note on wardrobe, you would look quite promising in the Burberry skirt you wore last Founder's Day." First of all, it's kind of creepy that Patch knows exactly what Amy wore last Founder's Day. Secondly, isn't the Burberry trend, like, so last year? I mean, unless you're a seventy-five-year-old New York socialite who's been wearing Burberry since it was invented? I don't know. Just ignore me.
Peak County High. Bright (um, very hot in a very cute t-shirt, and yes, Ephram is still my boyfriend, but a girl can look, can't she?) tosses the football around. He sits next to Amy, eating lunch and studying her Princeton literature. Hey, Laynie's there! She smiles. Laynie's got such good hair. Bright says he wishes he could be at the tea to discuss Jersey history with the Princeton rep, but that he has football practice. Oh, really? Does he? Or doesn't he? Bright talks football. All of a sudden, one million cheerleaders run out of the school. All in uniform. Like it's a pep assembly. With pom-pons. Let's talk a little bit about this, because it ain't never happening. Cheerleaders: (a) hate to dress out, (b) rarely use pom-pons, and (c) don't practice at LUNCH. Weren't any of you writers cheerleaders? Friends of cheerleaders? In high school? Aaaanyway. The cheerleaders cheer, build a pyramid, totally bust. Bright can't stop staring at one little blonde in the middle who apparently "grew" over the summer. Amy and Laynie are disgusted. Bright's all, "It's not my fault I was born shallow."