Well, hi there! It was such a nice, long, Amy "God, Please Just Shut Up, PLEASE, I Hate You" Abbott-less month. Everything good must come to an end. Cocktail?
We open pretty much where we left off in November. Crisis At The Abbott House: The Next Morning. Amy's run away, oh no! Rose shows a detective -- who resembles a younger and hotter Andre Braugher -- a recent family photo. He tells Rose and Patch that the cops are doing everything they can to find Amy, and he delegates busy work to each member of the family. Patch is to write a full description of Amy, which one can only hope reads, "Pretty. Blonde. Bitch." Andre tells Bright to make a list of people Amy may have contacted. Aw, Bright looks like he's been crying. Rose is the "telephone point person," whatever the hell that means. They all set off on their missions, and Irv voice-overs (how I've missed you, Irv!), "When the pressure's on, it's often the times of crisis that bring a family together." Rinda asks Andre if there's anything she can do. Besides look stunning in that winter white sweater? Wait. Did I develop a crush on RINDA over the break? Yes...yes, now it's coming to me...I believe that I did. Curses! Andre tells Rinda that she can collect Amy's medical records. Rinda's on it.
Feisty Nurse Edna arrives, and asks what the hell is going on. Rose is all, "Amy's run away! She's GONE!" Edna says, "Oh, no. This is all a big mistake." Are you saying that it was all a BIG MISUNDERSTANDING, Edna? Did I accidentally TiVo Three's Company? Edna explains to everyone that Amy spent the night at her and Irv's house last night, and is currently "4-0 and squared away, having pancakes with Harper." Hee. Rose looks like she wants to KILL. Irv tells us, "Pressure also has a way of exposing our fault lines, bringing to the surface things that might better have stayed buried deep below. Once they're out, though, they're awful hard to put back." The camera pans around the room, showing everyone's faces of concerned relief, and Andre says into his radio, "All units Code 4. Subject has been located." Plinky Sad Piano of Teenage Runaways leads us into the credits. Ah, theme song. I don't care how much Couch Baron hates you, I sure have missed your crazy violins.
Brown House. Ephram, Eeeeee! and Madison "Bucky" Poppins watch a movie on the couch. Ephram gets all handsy, and Madison says, "I thought we were watching a movie." Oh, Bucky, it seems that absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. She accuses Ephram of actually inviting her over to make out, which he answers by kissing her. Ew. Madison reminds Ephram that they aren't supposed to make out in the house, and Ephram's like, "My dad won't be home for HOURS!" This is, of course, Treat's cue to bust in the door immediately. Ephram pushes Madison to the other side of the couch and yells, "We're watching a movie!" Hee. Treat takes no notice of this, as he is embroiled in a fight with Delia, which she seems to be winning. Delia's mad because her dad kissed Rinda in the tree lot,and Treat is doing a really bad job of defending himself. Delia yells some more, calls her dad a liar, and stomps off. Madison -- who in our absence has applied for the job of surrogate mother -- is all, "I'LL talk to her." Shut up, Madison.