For Every Action…

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For Every Action...

This recap is brought to you by the two screaming children -- my daughter and her hyperactive little friend -- tearing up my house. In the event that I am unable to complete this recap because I have killed them both, I hope you will come visit me in prison. Okay! Let's get started.

Previously on Everwood: Ephram knocks up Madison; Treat forbids Madison to tell and drives her out of town; Ephram goes off to New York for a fun summer at Juilliard, accompanied by Amy; and Patch enters into a partnership with Treat.

Fade up on an auditorium at Juilliard. Ephram sits in the audience reading a letter. Treat voice-overs: "Dear Ephram, I know you're unfamiliar with the kind of mail that doesn't require a DSL connection, but let me reacquaint you with a relic from the past: stationery." Aw. I missed that goofy doctor. Treat goes on to tell Ephram that Patch is taking "a bit longer" than he thought to situate himself in the office -- as we fade to Patch supervising a gigantic construction crew -- but he feels things will return to normal any day. Treat walks out of his office and booms over to Patch, "Any progress, Partner?" Patch is all, "Sigh. Hardly." He then calls his workers "blue-collar buffoons." Nice way to get them to work hard for you, HAROLD. Treat, removing his earplugs, tries to ask how much longer the sawing and drilling is going to take, but Patch runs away, calling, "Back to work!" over his shoulder. Hee.

We cut back to a sidewalk café in New York, where Ephram is checking his email on a laptop. How very cosmopolitan. Amy voice-overs, "Okay, try downloading the picture again. I think I got it right this time, even though I still don't fully understand the difference between a .jpg and a .pdf." Well, Amy, I could tell you, as I am not only a brilliant writer, but also a web design genius, but it's really very boring. Ephram downloads a picture of himself and Amy in front of some famous NYC institution -- I believe it's Rockefeller Center, but I ain't never been to the big city before -- and his hair sure did grow fast in ten days. It's just as long in the picture as it is now. Speaking of which, let's talk about Ephram's hair. It's sort of long, and feathered, and parted in the middle, and the guy I dated at college in 1993 had hair exactly like it. Not cute. Anyway, we fade from the picture to Amy, sitting in summer school, looking at the exact same picture! How clever. She goes on to say that she can't believe it was only three days ago that she was eating hot dogs in Central Park with him, and now she's in stupid summer school.

Fade back to Ephram playing the piano at Juilliard, getting instruction from a professor. His cell phone is sitting on top of the piano, blinking its little voicemail light. It's from Bright: "Dude, you are not going to believe this. I just made thirty-seven baskets. IN A ROW. How hot is that?" Hee. It's incredibly hot, Bright. You don't even know.

Ephram practices and practices. He plays the piano all day long to romantic soundtrack music. Delia voice-overs: "Dear Ephram, I've been working on a new look since you've been gone. I'm telling you this 'cause you might not recognize me when you come home next week. My hair's longer, and I'm wearing it down a lot." Aw. Fade to Delia, who has started a fire in her back yard grill with Bitchney. They're burning her hats. Nooooooo! It's Bitchney's influence, I'm sure of it. Run away, Delia! Treat runs out and douses the fire with an extinguisher. He voice-overs: "P.S. Please come home before your sister hits puberty and burns the house down."

Ephram on the plane. There's a voicemail from Amy saying she can't believe his flight got delayed again, and to call her as soon as he gets home, no matter what time. Cut to Ephram walking out of the airport. He looks up, and there stands Amy, leaning against her car. Good Lord, that Emily VanCamp just gets hotter and hotter. They smile and have sweet hugs and kisses. As Amy pulls up to the Brown house, Ephram marvels that Treat let her pick him up from the airport. Amy says that she and Treat have bonded a lot this summer, because he likes anyone who wants to talk about Ephram as much as she does. Ephram says it's too weird; he's picturing Amy and Treat splitting a Coke at Mama Joy's and it freaks him out. Amy: "One Coke. Two straws." Hee. Ephram gets his bags and heads in. Treat is waiting on the porch. He runs over and practically tackles Ephram with a hug. Ephram's all, "Dad. Air." Treat bombards his son with your typical parental welcome: "How are you? Did you eat? Are you hungry? Are you tired? You look tired. And older!" Ephram can hardly answer before Treat ushers him up to bed and tells him to sleep in. Ephram agrees that this is a good plan. Treat says, "It's good to be home, isn't it?" Ephram gives his dad a wistful smile. Treat tries to pretend it means nothing, grins for us, and we go to...THE BRAND NEW CREDITS! Which are nice and clean-lined and finally feature Merrilyn Gann. Good thinking, Berlanti.

The next morning at the Brown house, Ephram sits at the kitchen table reading what looks to be a well-worn letter. Who, who, who could be the author? Delia screams, "Ephram!" as she spies her brother for the first time, and hits him with a hug, Treat-style. Ephram notices that she's wearing a dress. Delia says there's lots more where that one came from. Aw, Delia. Growing up and wearing dresses. Wait until you make your first trip to Sephora. Also, invite me and your daddy's money. Nina and her hellion-child, who is dressed up in the sort of hideous costume that little boys like to wear around and pretend they're normal, bust in the house. Nina greets Ephram warmly, and Sam heads for the refrigerator to get a "soda." Sam? After I kill the children in my house? You're next. The phone rings; Delia answers it, and tells Ephram that it's Amy. Treat, who has just walked in, jerks the phone away and tells Amy that Ephram will have to call him back. Guess he didn't want their happy little scene of mayhem disrupted. Nina tells Ephram that she likes his sideburns. Is that what those are? Because I thought that Ephram had maybe just missed a few spots when he rinsed off his mud mask. Seriously, y'all, those are not sideburns. They are fug-burns. Treat ushers everyone out of the house so he can have some alone time with Ephram. He asks if everything is okay. Ephram says there's something important he needs to talk about. Treat says that he wants to hear everything, but that he has something to say, too, and he gets to go first. As usual. Treat commands, "Come with me." He leads Ephram to the garage, where he has set up the sweetest music studio EVER. Ephram is totally not as excited as he should be as his dad goes on and on about the soundproofed walls and recording equipment and whatnot. Ephram asks, "Where are you gonna park your car?" Treat tells him not to worry about it: "I sold it to pay for this." Heh. Ephram decides to hide his anger about...whatever it is he's mad about, and turns it around on Treat. "Why did you do all this?" Treat says Ephram deserves it. He says he was just like Ephram when he was younger -- he knew exactly what he wanted to do, and how much work it was going to be. And all he wanted was a place that he could call his own, and do that work. Ephram finally says thank you. Treat gives him another bone-crushing hug, and says he wants to hear all about his important news at dinner that night, but he has to get to work and make sure Patch hasn't bulldozed the place.

Cut to the Treat/Patch office, where Nurse Louise is feeding the fish in the gigantic new tank Patch has had installed. Patch tells that old troublemaker Mr. Jensen that he will most certainly not lease out his old medical office for a Pilates studio. Mr. Jensen! Doing Pilates! It almost makes sense. Mr. Jensen asks, "What about tae kwon do?" Patch respectfully decli

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