Previously on Everwood: The entire fourth season. Oh, how I've missed this show. Also, Ephram's trying to move on by dating a girl named Stephanie; Dimples and Nina are moving to Los Angeles; Treat has bought an engagement ring to not give to Nina; Irv has died; and Patch Abbott has recently had a pregnant schizophrenic patient with a dying husband.
We open at the Brown House, which I'm sad to say immediately moves me to tears. I'm so sorry y'all got stuck with such a sentimental mess of a recapper for three sopping wet seasons. It's going to be a long, moist night. Anyway, Treat, Ephram, Delia, and Ephram's new girl Stephanie are cleaning up after dinner. Hellooooo, Ephram Brown. Long time, nice haircut. Delia tells Stephanie about all the things she's learned for her Bat Mitzvah, including how cute her Rabbi is. Stephanie looks like what Fergie would if she hadn't plasticized herself to hideous and back. She tells Delia that that always helps -- she once had a physics professor who looked like Johnny Depp. Ephram interjects, "You know, I've been told that I have a Depp-like quality." Hee. Stephergie tells him he's been lied to. Delia's all excited because her Bat Mitzvah is at the Carousel Building at the fairgrounds. Stephergie thinks that sounds like one rockin' party. Ephram: "I think that's how they phrased it in the Torah." Ephram's copy of the Torah is obviously the expurgated version, penned by the Black Eyed Peas. It also says that if Jesus had existed he would have shaken it like a Poloroid picture. Delia's all, "Oh my God, you should come! Can she?" Treat says it's not that simple, that this thing is like a wedding, with rented tables and assigned seating and things like that, like, way to be totally rude in front of your guest, Treat. Delia argues that now that Dimples, Nina, and Sam aren't coming, there's room for Stephergie. Treat realizes what an ass he's being, and tells Stephergie he'd be delighted if she came, and actually insists that she be there. Ephram asks Stephergie if she even wants to come, and she says it sounds like fun. Ephram: "Yeah, what could be more fun than a lot of Hebrew and a bunch of bratty 13-year-olds?" I can think of several things that involve you and your new haircut, Ephram Brown. My God, I've become a pedophile again. Suddenly, Treat storms out of the room with a trash bag. Stephergie asks if everything's okay, and she really doesn't have to go; Ephram says it's fine, it's not her, and goes out to see what his dramatic Daddy's problem is.