Previously on Everwood: The entire fourth season. Oh, how I've missed this show. Also, Ephram's trying to move on by dating a girl named Stephanie; Dimples and Nina are moving to Los Angeles; Treat has bought an engagement ring to not give to Nina; Irv has died; and Patch Abbott has recently had a pregnant schizophrenic patient with a dying husband.
We open at the Brown House, which I'm sad to say immediately moves me to tears. I'm so sorry y'all got stuck with such a sentimental mess of a recapper for three sopping wet seasons. It's going to be a long, moist night. Anyway, Treat, Ephram, Delia, and Ephram's new girl Stephanie are cleaning up after dinner. Hellooooo, Ephram Brown. Long time, nice haircut. Delia tells Stephanie about all the things she's learned for her Bat Mitzvah, including how cute her Rabbi is. Stephanie looks like what Fergie would if she hadn't plasticized herself to hideous and back. She tells Delia that that always helps -- she once had a physics professor who looked like Johnny Depp. Ephram interjects, "You know, I've been told that I have a Depp-like quality." Hee. Stephergie tells him he's been lied to. Delia's all excited because her Bat Mitzvah is at the Carousel Building at the fairgrounds. Stephergie thinks that sounds like one rockin' party. Ephram: "I think that's how they phrased it in the Torah." Ephram's copy of the Torah is obviously the expurgated version, penned by the Black Eyed Peas. It also says that if Jesus had existed he would have shaken it like a Poloroid picture. Delia's all, "Oh my God, you should come! Can she?" Treat says it's not that simple, that this thing is like a wedding, with rented tables and assigned seating and things like that, like, way to be totally rude in front of your guest, Treat. Delia argues that now that Dimples, Nina, and Sam aren't coming, there's room for Stephergie. Treat realizes what an ass he's being, and tells Stephergie he'd be delighted if she came, and actually insists that she be there. Ephram asks Stephergie if she even wants to come, and she says it sounds like fun. Ephram: "Yeah, what could be more fun than a lot of Hebrew and a bunch of bratty 13-year-olds?" I can think of several things that involve you and your new haircut, Ephram Brown. My God, I've become a pedophile again. Suddenly, Treat storms out of the room with a trash bag. Stephergie asks if everything's okay, and she really doesn't have to go; Ephram says it's fine, it's not her, and goes out to see what his dramatic Daddy's problem is.
Treat's outside stuffing the trash into the can with extreme force. Ephram walks out and asks what's up. Treat's all, "Nothing, why?" Ephram says for starters, he looks like he's trying to decapitate that bag of trash. "And there's the whole neighbor-slash-woman-you-love moving away thing." Treat once again denies that anything's wrong, then asks what more he can do, anyway. "She's leaving in two days with Jake. I obviously don't want her to go, but this is what has to happen, and it's better for everyone this way." Not for someone named Treat, it isn't! Ephram asks about the ring, and Treat says he's returning it tomorrow...unless Ephram needs it for some reason? Ephram: "That's funny." It is funny! It's Treat-funny, which is one of the best kinds of funny, in that it's so totally not that it is. Treat tells Ephram he appreciates what he's trying to do, and loves him for it, but he's returning the ring tomorrow. "Nina's leaving. It's time to move on." And off Ephram's concerned look, we go to the credits. Oh my God, remember when I hated this music? And then I didn't? Wah! And now it's on for the last time ever! It makes me cry! I rewind it twice to watch it over again! Because there's something wrong with me!
Nina's House. She's in the middle of packing up and is surrounded by boxes. Hannah walks into the kitchen and expresses her impressedness; when she went to bed last night, Nina hadn't even started on the kitchen. Nina, who has gotten so much prettier this year since she quit dyeing her hair that ridiculous blonde color, is impressed with her own self. She maniacally says she's been up since five, has separated everything into three piles, and has finished her second pot of coffee. "Want me to make some more?" Hannah says that's okay, Nina's had enough for the both of them. Nina apologizes again for kicking Hannah out of the house. Hannah reveals that she'll be staying with the Abbotts until school is over, then home for the summer until she goes away to college -- "...if I get in anywhere." Nina assures her that she's going to get in everywhere, and they'll be lucky to have her. Hannah holds up a big box with a bow on it and asks Nina if it goes in the trash pile. Nina jerks it away from her, all, "No, it has sentimental value! It was a gift from Andy!" It, by the way, is an enormous "personal massager." Hee. Hannah makes a little "hmph" noise and says she knew there was always something between them. Nina says she kind of did too, but then it was really obvious when he kissed her last year and then told her he loved her, but that was only because he thought she was still in love with him, but she wasn't anymore since Jake was moving in that day... Hannah's jaw drops. "Okay, that was information overload!" But Nina's not finished: "And then that whole ring thing happened." Hannah would like to know more, please, about this ring? Nina says apparently he bought it for her a few weeks ago but never actually did anything with it; Ephram told her about it, but Treat doesn't know that she knows. Hannah is at first still flustered, then gets a smile on her face. "So...right now, at this very second, there's a diamond ring sitting in a box somewhere with your name on it?" Nina says she doesn't know if her name is actually on the box, but...yeah. Music of Eminent Wacky Antics plays, and Hannah teases, "Huh. Wonder what it looks like."
Abbott/Brown Office. Patch's schizophrenic patient from a few weeks ago has now had her baby, and tells Patch that she doesn't know what it is, but something's definitely wrong. "I don't think my medication is working anymore." Patch asks what's been happening. The girl says she feels like she's slipping back to the way she was before, before they had the right pills and she was crazy and so sick all the time. The baby starts wailing, and Patch asks Louise to come watch the baby for a while. This sets off "Cathy" again -- the baby won't sleep, she can't calm her down, she has no control, etc. Patch tells her these feelings are all normal for a new mother, especially one whose husband just died. He says it's perfectly understandable, but Cathy says she doesn't think she can do this, not without her husband, and definitely not feeling the way she's feeling. Sweet Patch gets up and walks around his desk to sit next to her. He says everything's going to be all right. "I promised your mother and father that I would always look after you. I will. You're not alone." Cathy says she sure does feel alone, and starts to cry. Patch puts his hand on her shoulder and says he's going to help her through this. I love you, Patch Abbott!
Hey look, it's Bright Abbott! He's in his and Ephram's apartment, looking at an electronics magazine. He tells Ephram that they could buy a TV that covered an entire wall. "If only you were willing to sell your Dad's car." Heh. Ephram is busy moving his things into Reid's old room (bye, Reid. We hardly knew ye, nor did we particularly want to.), and tells Bright not to bother helping with all the heavy stuff -- he's got it. Bright reclines further on the couch. "Cool." Oh, Bright. Amy walks in with Bright's newly dry-cleaned suit and tells him they couldn't get all the stain out, and also, please don't tell her what it was. Bright: "Why must you always go to the dark places, little sister?" Amy's like, "Was it gross or wasn't it?" Bright say