Stephergie and Ephram walk out of a movie to find Amy Abbott, in a super-cute shirt, waiting in line for her own movie. Amy nervously says she's just waiting for Hannah. "Always late, that girl!" She asks how the movie was, and Stephergie is all, "Ohhhhh, we LOVED it, RIGHT?" Ephram says it was definitely the best Will Ferrell movie he's seen all day. Heh. Amy says good, she could use a laugh, then adds, "Uh, not that I'm sad. I'm just always up for a laugh. You know that about me, right, Ephram?" She smiles adorably, and compliments Ephram's jacket. He says Stephergie bought it for him, actually. Amy says fakely that it's great. Stephergie gives Amy a look like, "Round 1: Me," and leaves with Ephram. Damn her!
Brown/Abbott Office. Treat and Patch are going over some paperwork, and when they finish, Patch says he refuses to cover his patients until Treat tells him where he's going, and why. Treat: "I love it when you get uppity with me. It reminds me of our first cutemeet." Aw. Patch tries to figure out where he's going by how long his flight is going to be, and Treat just tells him he'll see him in two days. Patch jumps up and yells, "Damn it, man, now is not the time! Don't you see? Wherever it is you think you need to be, I guarantee you it is not nearly as important as staying PUT." He reminds Treat that not eight months ago, he was on that very couch, confiding in Patch his feelings for Nina. "I listened, and provided what I believed to be very good counsel, happy to play Cyrano to your Christian! And then I sat back and looked on as you and Dr. Boob Job played out some comic mating ritual, fighting to prove just who was the fittest of the species." Treat's like, yeah, so now what? Patch says so now he's won: the woman has rejected Hartman and moved into his house, and now is the time to make his move. Treat: "You know, Harold, I think I have finally figured you out. You, Dr. Abbott, are a hopeless romantic. At the end of the day, you just want the guy to get the girl, don't you?" Patch says yes, assuming the girl is Nina. He also confesses that he was never in favor of Treat and Rinda; in fact, he told her Treat was a bit of a dilettante. Treat: "That's okay. I used to leave home ten minutes early just so I could take your parking spot." Oh, you two. So in love, and now it's over FOREVER. I understand a person named Dawn Ostroff is responsible for this, and to her I'd like to extend a big fuck you, recorded here for all posterity. So there it is: kiss it, Ostroff. The writers of this show don't deserve the likes of you, anyway. Ephram arrives to take Treat to the airport, and Treat gives Patch a big hug. "Thanks, Harold. For everything." Patch asks Ephram where Treat is off to, because he's happy to pick him up from the airport. Treat: "Nice try, Harold." Hee. Aw, Patch, you big sap.
Bright finds Hannah in the Abbott den, watching campus videos and still trying to decide between Notre Dame and A&M. Bright is glad she's still deciding, and says he's actually got a bunch of information for her. Hannah says that she can't talk to him about this, because she's made all these lists of pros and cons, and he's on some of the lists. Bright: "No, your ex-boyfriend El Jerko is on some of the lists. And he should be. But I'm solely here as your old friend Bright Abbott. So, pros. Bring 'em on." As Hannah names the pros of Notre Dame, Bright is all hemming and hawing and wagging his head, clearly hating his once-beloved football team. He likes Hannah's A&M pros much better, but when Hannah says the only reason she's really considering it is because he and Amy are there, his face changes. He's so grown up! Hannah says it's a huge pro, absolutely, and they should probably count it as two. Bright half-heartedly tells her to count it as three, which she happily does. She asks what her old friend Bright Abbott thinks she should do, and good old Bright truthfully says he doesn't know.
We fade into a shot of a headstone reading "Julia Brown. Beloved daughter, mother, wife. 1958 - 2002." And now we know where Treat has gone. He lays a flower down and says, "Hello, Julia. I know, you were never a big tulip fan, but I couldn't find a flower shop so I tried three grocery stores, and this is the only flower that looked like it might make it through the night." He's dressed in pants and a sport coat, which KILLS ME, because who else would think of that but our Treat? The rest of what he says is so perfect I'm going to transcribe it for you, as I've had to do so many times before on this dumb show. "I'm assuming you already know why I came, but I'm going to go ahead and say it all anyway. I've changed a lot, Julia. I've learned that being a good friend and a good parent are really the only things that make you sleep better at night. I've learned that what bothers you about your kids is whatever you have in common with them, and what you love about them most is stuff that you have absolutely nothing to do with. I've learned that pain and suffering are unavoidable, but ultimately they are what bring you closer to other people. And lately...lately, I've learned that it's possible to fall in love again. I tried hard not to, I really did. It's so unfair to you, you know. It was you I wanted to be this guy for. I'm just so sorry I couldn't when you were alive, but I love her, Julia. I love her and I'm going to ask her to be my wife. If she says yes, I'll take that as your blessing. And if I'm going to be the kind of husband to Nina that you would want me to be, then I think that this should probably be our last goodbye. Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for teaching me what love is in your life, and even more so in your death. And thank you for blessing me with two exquisite children, in whom your spirit will always live on. Goodbye, Julia." He leans down and kisses the top of the headstone. I wish we were like the Eskimos, and had a hundred words for "crying." Commercials.
Patch follows Edna out to her RV in the rain as she packs it up with her stuff, asking why she hasn't called him back. Edna: "Listen up, Columbo, you had no business fact-checking my story. Calling Linda behind my back, starting a ruckus." Patch says he was just worried, and had no idea that her crazy idea would turn out to be a crazy lie. Edna tells him to mind his own beeswax, and slams the RV door in his face, which he promptly opens right back up. Edna says this is exactly why she's getting out of Dodge; he can't go five minutes without checking up on her even when he thinks she's okay. "Imagine how it would be if you knew how I really felt." Patch asks how she does really feel, as she's made such a show of saying she's through with her grief, and feels fine. Edna says she only said that so he'd cancel the pity party and leave her alone. "The truth is," she says, angrily throwing kitchen supplies around, "I feel awful. I can't sleep, I'm sad, I'm angry, and for the first time in my life, I can't picture a time when I might feel better. I don't see the other side of this one." Patch says she will, it just might take some time. Edna tells him he doesn't have to do that; she knows she's acting crazier than an outhouse rat. I'm going to take that as a shout-out, except I'm goi