Friendly Fire

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | Grade It Now!
Baby On Bored

Elementary school yard. Some kids are playing games, and some are eating lunch. Delia comes out of the school with a tray of food. She looks around, and sees a tough-looking boy sitting alone at a large table. He's banging two rocks together. Is that the Colorado version of playing with matches? Delia sits down, but he informs her that it's his table. She asks if they can share it. His expression makes it look like he's trying to blow her away with the power of his mind, but all that happens is that her napkin flies away instead. Keep working at it, kid. That'll be a handy skill to have. Anyway, while Delia is retrieving her lost serviette, the kid steals the cookie off her tray. She returns, notices, and sadly picks up her tray. She sits down on the stone wall nearby. Aw. Kids suck.

Treat explains to Mrs. Baxworth that Nina and her child share no genetic material. I think Treat is trying to educate here, but he's really loose-lipped about people's medical conditions. I suppose Nina isn't a patient of his yet, but I still think he could err on the side of zipping it. Mrs. Baxworth wonders how Nina's husband feels about this, and I know Treat's her next-door neighbor and all, but he's been in town for like, a month. I don't think Nina would have confided in Treat to that degree yet, and Shutup Carl's probably been following the White Party for the last several weeks. Nah, the Gay Rodeo's more likely. Hey, do you think guys at the Gay Rodeo ask guys they're interested in, "So, do you like to be tied up?" Now I'm going to have to attend -- I must know the answer to this question. Treat says he imagines Nina's husband is fine with it, like, duh, Mrs. Baxworth. Mrs. Baxworth, though, steamrolls on, asking Treat if he would let his wife...let's get a second helping on that "duh," Mrs. Baxworth. In fact, why don't you take one for the road. Mrs. Baxworth manages to apologize despite the sensible shoe she has wedged in her esophagus, but Treat, not especially bothered, says he has a lot of patients to see. Mrs. Baxworth theorizes that Nina's doing it for the money. I'm fresh out of "duh" here, people. She thinks Nina and her husband must be destitute, and suggests that she and Treat co-chair a fundraiser to allow Nina to get out of the contract and keep the baby. Treat's like, uh, no, you nosy harpy, and closes the door in her face. Finally.

Mama Joy's. Some dude gives Nina a twenty-dollar tip. Patch is eating at the counter when Treat comes in and asks if the seat next to him is taken. Patch: "Oh, that it were." Hee. Snark's always better in the subjunctive. Treat grins that he's never had lunch there, and asks Patch if he eats there every day. Patch: "I used to." Give them a spinoff, already. I know it's only the third episode, but still. Some woman gives Nina a sixty-dollar tip. Well, that makes Mr. $20 look awfully cheap. Thanks, lady! Nina points out that "Martha" has never tipped her before, and Martha counters that she's catching up. Seriously, keep it, Nina. She doesn't, but instead loudly asks everyone what's up. When no one answers, she gets up on a chair with Treat's assistance and announces that she's neither poor nor a charity case. Apparently, her cousin in Boulder asked her if she'd be interested in helping an old friend of hers. The woman is single and teaches comparative religion, and is "unable to carry a child to full term." Rather glib there, Nina, I have to point out. And really, I don't think it's anyone's business what Nina does, but I'm confused why she told anyone in the first place. Couldn't she have come up with a plausible lie for not accepting the baby shower gifts, or some excuse to return them? She must have known that people would ask eventually -- I'm amazed she got to eight and a half months without fielding some questions about her pregnancy. Starting with: "How did your gay absentee husband get you pregnant?"

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