We open, at night, in downtown Everwood, with Delia and Ephram looking through a store window all decorated up for the holidays. Delia tells Ephram, "I'm telling you, the whole thing is a big fat lie." Ephram is like, "Are you ready to go yet?" Delia says she and Brittany promised each other that they'd get each other two presents, but one is enough. They start walking, and Delia asks Ephram if he thinks she needs a lawyer. Ephram says that he is pretty sure a lawyer won't take her case just because she doesn't like her part in the school holiday pageant. Delia complains that it's NOT a holiday pageant; it's all about Christmas, and it's all a big sham. "I'm playing an angel! There are no angels in the Hanukkah story. There are no angels in the Kwanzaa story." Hee. Ephram asks her if she even knows what Kwanzaa is, and Delia's like, "Uh, no, but I bet it doesn't have angels." Ephram suggests that she stage a revolution, and tell them that she's going to play Elijah -- that way she doesn't even have to show up. Delia: "If you're going to make jokes that go over my head, can you at least explain them to me?" Ephram starts to explain, but gets distracted by a flyer on his car that is advertising -- dun dun dun! -- Madison's band, which is playing that weekend at a coffee house in Everwood. Delia asks if she can come, but Ephram says he's not going. Delia asks why not, and Ephram responds, "Get in the car, Elijah." And, although this would be the absolute perfect time for some good old Irv narration, we are unrewarded. DY, B! Credits.
We come back to the Abbott/Brown office, where Patch is merrily hanging one million holiday decorations. Treat walks in and says it's "Christmas-y." Patch can't believe that Treat isn't upset that he wasn't consulted: "No grousing? No quick-witted barbs about my audacious integration of traditional Victorian ornamentation with the more plebeian drugstore variety?" Treat tells Patch that it's eight o'clock in the morning, and he's going to have to use smaller words. Patch: "You remain quite the dour little elf." Hey, you. Whoever's writing Patch? Please stay. Treat tells Patch that it really pisses him off when he calls him an elf. How many times has this happened before, one wonders? Treat slams into his office. Patch informs Louise that she'll -- "naturally" -- want to double up on the vacuuming duty, as there's nothing more irksome than errant tinsel strewn about. Louise is all, "I just LOVE the holidays." and wanders off in search of the Hoover. Treat walks back out of his office, and apologizes to Patch. He says he's just completely overwhelmed with his caseload and the holidays and all, and asks if Patch can take some off his hands. Patch says that it is, after all, the season of charity, and takes the folder that Treat has proffered. Patch looks at it, and says, "Wait. You're giving me John Hayes back?" Treat says all Patch has to do is go to the Hayes's house over the holidays and oversee John's progress. "I think you'll be fascinated by some of the work we've been doing. It's very cutting-edge. And when I think 'cutting-edge,' I think 'Harold Abbott.'" Hee. Patch says being a human CD-changer is hardly cutting-edge. Treat concedes this, but says it's really a very simple routine once you get used to it, albeit time-consuming. Patch says "time-consuming" is exactly what he does not need right now, but Treat sort of guilts him into it, then says Amanda really needs someone to help her through this. Patch is all, "Amanda?" Treat answers with, "Would you just help me out on this?" Patch will.
I would like you to know that this recap was just interrupted by a very loud fireworks show, which we watched from our front yard, which is only a few blocks from the river that they're shot from. God, I love this town.