Everwood
Oh The Places You'll Go

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Oh The Places You'll Go

We open at the Browns'. Delia is telling Treat over dinner that she has to, just HAS TO, go to sleepaway camp, because there are trees and hiking, and EVERYBODY is going, and if she misses it? She'll be a social pariah! Treat tells her they have trees and hiking in Everwood, and asks her if she even knows what a "pariah" is. Delia: "I don't even know what 'social' is, just please let me go, I'm begging." Ephram comes in and asks if they've finished eating already. Treat says there's still some left, and he could heat it up. Ephram says he'll get something later. Delia tries to get Ephram to back her up about going to sleepaway camp. Ephram says he never went. Delia looks at Treat. "And look what happened to him!" Treat says that's the first decent argument she's made all night. Heh. Treat directs Ephram to some mail that came for him. It's his tickets to London. A...real ticket? On...paper? How very last century. I find it hard to believe that Ephram wouldn't have ordered an e-ticket, but then we wouldn't have had this little exchange. Ephram says he thought he'd start off in a country where he at least spoke the language. Delia can't believe Ephram is going all the way to London, which is way farther than Camp Wookama. That may be an incorrect spelling; my closed-captioning is on the blink, by which I mean, I ain't got none on this here set. Treat cracks that London is also not half as much fun to say. Delia bets he'll be gone a lot longer than six weeks, too. Ephram says he's not sure how long he'll be there. Delia's all, "What do you mean you don't know? Look at your ticket, duh." Aw. Ephram explains that it's an open-ended ticket, so he can just come back whenever he wants -- and he's leaving Friday. Delia gets kind of sad. Treat's like, "This Friday? What about graduation?" Ephram asks what about it. Delia pouts her way out of the room. Treat tells him he might want to talk to his sister. Ephram, uncharacteristically, is all, "Oh, she'll be fine. Walk it off, Delia!" Man. Treat gives Ephram a look, and says he's surprised. Ephram: "Do I look like somebody who wants to be walking around in a giant silk robe in public?" Hee. Treat says he just figured Ephram would want to be here, with everything going on at the Abbotts'. Ephram has no idea what this means. Treat has to tell Ephram that Rose has cancer. Ephram finally looks concerned about someone besides himself. Credits.

When we come back, a car with vanity plates reading "Papa Joy" is parked behind the diner. Nina sees this as she pulls up, and sighs, "Oh, great." She walks into the diner, which is full of men moving things out and unhooking pipes and whatnot. Papa Joy, who turns out to be Long Duk Dong, breaks the news to Nina: the diner is closing. Nina is way more upset about this than our tiny Chinese friend, who tells her he just bought a way cool condo in Vegas, and she should get in while the getting's good. He gives her a severance package of two weeks' pay, plus tips from the night before. Gee. "Thanks." Nina thanks him, and he says, "Don't tell the others, okay? All I got them was a gift certificate from Pier 1." Ha! Nina nods, and stands behind the counter defeatedly.

We're treated to an outside shot of a hospital bearing the sign "Medical Center." I'd say that's kind of like going to Texaco and finding they've changed the name to "Gas Station." Patch and the rest of the Abbotts, including Edna and Irv, wander around the waiting room. Bright wonders how long they're going to keep his mom in there. Edna rubs Amy's back, and says she doesn't even know how long they've been there. Amy: "FOREVER." Irv, who has just gotten off his cell phone, walks over and tells Edna that "the New York office" loved his book. "Apparently, they think I'm ironic." Aw. Amy asks if that means his book is getting published. Irv says it's looking like it. Patch sees Rose being wheeled out by her oncologist, and rushes to her side. He asks what the tests showed. Rose looks past him, and asks Amy to take her to the vending machine -- she says she saw a root beer earlier, and has been craving one ever since. Amy asks her if she's sure she can have it, with all the carbonation and everything. Bright jumps up and practically knocks Amy out of the way, all, "God! I'll take her myself." Amy starts pushing fast, whining that she was just asking. They take off for the vending machines, and Patch asks the doctor how bad it is. It's not good -- the tumor grew instead of shrinking like it should have, and is also now pressing against Rose's spinal cord and nerves, which is causing the numbness in her legs. They need to find a specialist to remove it, the doctor says, because the risks have increased. Patch says they'll schedule an appointment to work out all the specifics. Bright and Amy wheel Rose back in, arguing over who gets to give Rose the top to her root beer. Patch takes the wheel while Amy and Bright give each other dirty looks, which would be awful if it weren't so sad. Everyone files out except for Bright, who turns and stops the oncologist. He shakes her hand and tearfully thanks her. IT KILLS ME.

Back at the now-closed diner, Treat bemoans the fate of small-business Everwood with Nina and Dimples. Nina tells the other two to shut it, as they've been there maybe three years combined. Treat says that doesn't mean they can't appreciate the history -- didn't she and Shutup Carl have their first date in the diner? Nina: "Thank you for bringing up the gay husband, because I wasn't depressed enough about my new-found unemployment." Dimples and Treat assure her that she's going to be just fine. Nina tells them to call her in three weeks when the mortgage is due. Treat and Dimples both jump in with offers to help. Nina says that's not what she meant. Treat insists that he wants to help. Nina reminds him that she didn't let him pay for her lawyers last year, and she's certainly not going to let him pay for her house; it's charity. Treat says she can just think of it as a loan. Dimples gets in on it now: "She said she doesn't need your help." Treat: "I wasn't talking to you." Nina tells them both to stop it, because she doesn't need this damsel-in-distress crap right now. Indeed.

Over at the Abbott house, Hannah stands in front of the refrigerator and commands Topher to hand her an apple pie. He says he's got cherry, peach, and rhubarb, drops one on the floor, and amends, "Uh...I've got cherry and rhubarb." Poor Topher. Hannah explains that she's trying to create a system for the Abbotts, so they won't even have to think about it when they're hungry. "They can just reach in and grab." Topher says how impressed he is with Hannah's extraordinary organizational skills. Hannah: "This is no time for flirty talk." Hee. The Abbotts come home and take in the massive amounts of food stacked up on their kitchen counter. Patch can't believe it. "We've been gone for all of twelve hours. Did somebody run an ad in the Pinecone?" Topher lets out a huge guffaw, complete with snorting. Bright: "You congested or something, dude? If you're sick you shouldn't be here." Oh, Bright. That's hot. Hannah says Topher just snorts when he's nervous. Bright is not impressed, and says he's going upstairs. Rose says she'll join him, but then remembers she can't get upstairs by herself. Bright picks his mother up out of the wheelchair and carries her upstairs. Hannah, who has rightly decided that this move is hotter than fire, burns a hole in his back with her incredulous staring. Topher snaps her out of it by saying that they should go. Hannah tells Amy and Patch to call if they need anything. As they walk out, Patch calls, "Thank you, Brian." Topher: "Oh, it's Topher." Patch: "Yeah, I don't care." Brilliant. When they're gone, Amy asks her dad if she needs to pick up her cap and gown, because she was thinking maybe they shouldn't go. Patch tells her to quit being ridiculous; they've both been looking forward to her graduation. Amy asks what

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Everwood

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