"Mr. Big Stuff" plays as an RV zips down a mountain road. Irv tells us that "everyone has a last line of defense against the mayhem and sorrow of this world." I could see that. Being able to take a shower while cooking breakfast would be a big time-saver. Oh, Irv's talking about a "Doctor Gretchen Trott," who apparently serves as "touchstone" to some of Everwood's residents. Well, as they like it, then. On Main Street, Patch honks as he tries to get to his normal spot, only to find that Doctor Trott's RV is occupying his space and several others. Well, this should be entertaining. Disrupting an obsessive-compulsive Mensa member's morning routine should certainly lead to a memorable insult or two. Anyway, Patch pulls into an empty spot, and the new location isn't enough to stop Treat from doing his normal simul-park next to him. There's no silver lining for Patch this morning. Treat asks Patch what the RV is in aid of, and is informed that it's a "shrink-mobile." Treat, see if she has a family rate. I'm sure she must, as she's been to Everwood before. Patch and Treat push past the crowd forming on the sidewalk as Patch exposits that Dr. Trott is a psychologist with a Masters in social work. From his level of disdain, you'd think she obtained her credentials by being the thirteenth caller in a radio contest sponsored by the American Psychiatric Association. Dr. Trott emerges, and we see that she's played by Ally McBeal's Jane Krakowski. I never saw a single episode of that show, so I'm going to reserve judgment on her. But to rip off an expression from one of my favorite writers, Florence King, I'll be watching her with a jaundiced eye.
Patch greets her as "Gretchen," further underscoring his lack of respect for her, while she professionally calls him "Doctor Abbott." I'm giving Patch the benefit of the doubt and opining that his antipathy here comes from general misanthropy, and not misogyny. After all, his wife is the mayor. Not to mention the fact that his mother chews up railroad spikes and spits out nails. Patch berates Gretchen (it's easier to type, people) for parking in front of his office when they "discussed" the desirability of her finding a "more convenient" place to see her patients. Gretchen measuredly replies that he did make that view known. "I might call it a rumination rather than a conversation." Patch says that regardless of that distinction, she needs to move so he can park there. She cheerily informs him that until she gets an official request to do so, she's not going anywhere. He blusters some more, but she's had enough: "I heard you use territorialism to establish superiority. While I can respect a narcissistic impulse, I'm under no obligation to cater to it." Hee, although I'm sure I've heard such words directed at me before. Treat, highly amused, introduces himself, and there go Gretchen's panty shields. She babbles that she's a fan, and Patch better march himself across the street, because he's got two detached retinas all of a sudden. Treat and Gretchen exchange some more compliments, the purpose of which is to annoy Patch further. And an annoyed Patch is a hilarious Patch, so Gretchen can stay a while. She excuses herself, and Treat says he likes her. Patch: "You would. Oh, how could anyone in their right mind take that nomadic quack's insight seriously?" Well, I'm no scriptwriter, but it seems to me that that line should cue the entrance of the town wacko. And just like that, Mrs. Baxworth springs into view. Off-camera, she shrieks a hello to Gretchen, and Patch exasperatedly storms off as Treat grins his way into the opening credits.