Everwood
Three Miners From Everwood

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Three Miners From Everwood

In the parking lot of the mines, we find out that Ellie is okay. But Treat knows somehow that Ellie's uterus has been damaged, and he breaks this news to UBM. Allison wants to know if Treat has X-ray vision, and if so, why he isn't on Smallville. Treat tells Unfortunate Balding Man that Ellie won't have babies, but all UBM cares about is that his lesbian wife is okay. The other Everwoodsians, exhausted and covered in dirt, head home. Crisis averted, and another MEOW is over.

Abbott House. Rinda and Patch collapse on the couches and chat. They make a little small talk, then Patch hits Rinda with, "So are you going to tell me why you lied today?" Patch says he knows Rinda lied because he knows she's A negative, because he's B positive when they were little she would tease him about getting a half letter grade lower on the blood test. Ho HO! Blood humor is a real knee-slapper. Rinda says that all her time in Africa exposed her to all kinds of blood-borne illnesses, and she didn't want to risk passing something like hepatitis on to someone else. Which we all know is a big fat lie. Allison, however, wants everyone to know that she's glad Rinda is hip to hep. Rose comes in and babbles on incessantly about what heroes Patch and Rinda are. She reports that everyone is okay.

Cut to the Brown House, where Ephram is poignantly practicing his Darth-style piano skillz. Treat comes in, sees Ephram playing, and smiles the biggest Treat-grin of the episode. Ephram and Treat talk about Darth Vader, whom Treat didn't know Ephram knew. We find out that Darth's arm is going to be fine, and he will play again. Treat notices a dog on the couch, and Ephram tells his dad that he picked up Darth Vader's dog, Oscar, to take care of him while he was gone. Aw. Ephram reports that the kitchen is full of pies, because everyone is so happy about Treat saving those people. Treat isn't sure he's pie-worthy, because he was so scared down in the mines. They talk more about Treat's fear, Ephram reassures his dad, blah blah blah sweetness-cakes.

Beau's lighthouse. Patch Abbott, who really does have a heart, has rallied the town to finish Beau's lighthouse for him. Patch is in love with his bullhorn, and calls down orders to everyone. The Browns are all there to help, including Delia, who gets one measly line. Treat finds Rinda, they make eyes at each other, and she tells him that he's the coolest for saving Darth Vader's arm. Treat argues. It sounds a little something like this: "You're schmoopy." "No, YOU'RE schmoopy." "NO! YOU are the schmoopy!!!!" Strummy la-la music plays as the town continues work on the lighthouse, and we fade to a shot of Everwood at night, the finished lighthouse glowing in the distance and bugging the crap out of everyone trying to sleep within its radius.

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Everwood

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