We open at Edna and Irv's house. Patch carries a ton of Amy's stuff outside and loads it into the car. Irv voice-overs, "Sometimes we don't know our own strength. It can be hard to tell just how much weight you can safely bear, or how much will crush you. I'd like to think you can shoulder as big a burden as you think you can; that it's all a matter of will." Patch can't believe that Amy has accumulated so much crap after only three months away from home. Irv helps Patch load the last of Amy's bags into the car.
Edna and Amy walk outside together. Edna tells Amy, "Well, Private...been a hell of a ride." They hug tearfully. Aw, although I'm sure Edna is crying tears of joy, knowing she'll finally have her damn house back. Amy tells Irv that he knows he'll miss her (he fakes this emotion), and hugs him. She tells her grandparents, "And I'm serious about the TiVo; you can't be VCR people forever." Heh. Edna and Irv laugh all, "Ti-what? Please leave now." As Amy turns to go, who should walk up but Tommy "I Went To Rehab and All I Got Were These Bushy Eyebrows" Callahan. He addresses Patch: "I don't expect you to forgive me, or even like me, but I hope you can accept a 'thank you.' You saved my life." Patch answers, "Actually, it was my daughter who saved your life. All I did was show up." Amy, Edna, and Irv are in the background during this conversation, each shooting Eyebrows their very best evil eyes. Patch walks over to Amy and tells her to make it quick. The grown-ups go back inside to figure out how they can kill Tommy without anyone knowing.
Tommy gives Amy sad-addict eyes and says, "It's been two days. Didn't you want to call and make sure I was okay?" Amy says she called the hospital and found out he'd been released, so she figured he was fine. Eyebrows asks her if she was going to leave a forwarding address or just make a clean getaway. Amy: "I'm just going home." Aw. Eyebrows says he'll call her later, then, after she's had a little while to get settled in. Amy tells him not to bother. Yay! Tommy can't believe Amy's dumping him; he says he knows he screwed up, blah blah, but overdosing has been such "a serious wake-up call for me." Good Lord. Amy doesn't fall for it, saying, "I'm glad. I hope you get the help that you need." Eyebrows says he doesn't need help, he needs her. Amy says she can't be that person for him anymore. Tommy: "So, what? I'm not good enough for you anymore? You going to go back to Mommy and Daddy? Go back to being Little Miss Perfect? Well, you can't." Shut up, crackhead. Amy, once again, doesn't take the bait. "I gotta go. Take care of yourself, Tommy." Oh, Amy Abbott. I've never been more proud. Amy walks to the car with her head high. Irv finishes, "Other times it's hard to remember you had any strength at all, then you can only hope to have someone to remind you you were once fierce and able." Patch walks out and asks Amy if she's okay. She says she's fine. Patch pats her arm. "Let's go home." Sniff. Credits.
We come back to some kind of kids' fun game...thing. Chuck E. Cheese? I went to a party there once, and some little bitch stole my coupons away. Treat and Nina are there with Sam. Sam whines that he's bored. Nina tells Treat that she's really nervous about seeing Shutup Carl again, and that he's late, so maybe he's not coming. Sam says he has to go to the bathroom, so Treat volunteers to take him. Nina turns around, and there's Shutup Carl. He tells Nina she looks good. Nina: "So is that it? You have nothing else to say to me?" Shutup Carl tells Nina, "Don't. This is hard enough." Nina tells him he has no idea how hard it is. Sam runs back from the shortest trip to the bathroom ever, yelling, "Daddy's here! Daddy's here!" Kid needs Ritalin, NOW. Nina hands over Sam's bag, and Shutup Carl leaves with Sam. Nina looks heartbroken. I would be too, if I had to deal with that kid all day long.
Cut to Bright (eeeeee!) and Ephram, shooting basketball in the Abbotts' back yard. Well, Ephram doesn't so much shoot basketball as watch Bright look hot doing it. They're talking about Madison, and how Ephram is worried that she's going to break up with him. Bright says that Ephram could always break up with her first, even though he'll miss out on a lot of pity sex. "But...sometimes your pride comes before your 'nads." Hee. Ephram says he doesn't want to break up with her, he just wants to fix things. Bright: "You tackled her guitarist, and got kicked out of the first club that ever gave her a paying gig -- I don't think God could fix this." Ephram is not pleased.
Amy walks out, lugging a weight bench. Bright tells Ephram he'll see him later, and heads inside. Amy: "You can't keep avoiding me, Bright. Our rooms are like two feet away from each other." Bright ignores her. Amy rolls her eyes a lot. She tells Ephram that Bright was using her room as a gym. Heh. You snooze, you lose, Abbott. Ephram tells her that everything will get back to normal soon enough. Amy tells Ephram that she and Eyebrows broke up. Ephram nearly gives himself whiplash, wheeling around all, "You did?" He asks if she's okay. Amy says she is, that she kind of saw it coming, with the whole overdose thing and all. She asks how he and Madison are doing. Ephram: "Good, good. She's been busy with the band, but other than that, real good." Liar. Amy says she's glad at least one of them made a relationship work, and goes back to hauling Bright's weight equipment. Aw.
Brown House. Rinda and Treat are fixing a wholesome dinner of...salad. Break up with her for a few days, Treat, and find yourself a rib-eye. Rinda says, "I take it the 'Fun Zone' wasn't so fun?" Treat: "The Fun Zone was definitely not a fun zone." Those are the two clumsiest lines ever uttered on this show. What's going on here? Nina bursts in the house and tells Rinda and Treat that she's going to have to kill Shutup Carl. They're all, "Okay! Why?" Nina tells them that Shutup Carl has filed for sole custody of Sam. Rinda, looking very cute in a gray sweater that totally came from American Eagle, says there's no way he can do that. Nina says Shutup Carl got an awesome new job and is making tons of money, which she can't compete with. "Plus, he's enrolled Sam in some fancy private school...I wasn't even going to ask for alimony. I'm such an idiot!" Treat tells Nina that there's a lot more to parenting than how much money you make, and one visit doesn't make up for all of Shutup Carl's neglect. Rinda adds that they live in a small, conservative county, and the odds of granting sole custody to a single gay father are slim to none. I'm trying to get offended by that somehow, but you know, it's probably true. They assure Nina that she has nothing to worry about, and also advise her to invest in some moisturizer before her face falls completely off. Single mothers need hydration, too, Nina.
Doorbell. Madison opens the door and greets her estranged boyfriend, "Hey." All right, first of all, bitch is wearing my awesome light blue belt. Secondly, I hate myself, because she looks really very pretty. She invites Ephram in, and says, "I'm still working on a little anger right now, you're gonna have to give me a second." Heh. Ephram tells her to take her time. Madison goes on to say that freezing her ass off outside a police station was definitely not the way she thought her night would go, but what really made her mad is when Ephram didn't call. Ephram says he thought she was just saying that to be nice. Heh. Madison says she did want him to, so they could talk. Ephram says talking is his whole problem, that he has no filter. Madison tells him that he still should have called. Ephram says that if he knew not calling was the reason she was going to break up with him, he would have. Madison: "Who says I'm breaking up with you?" Ephram: "You did. The other day." Did she? I don't even remember. I am actually so bored with this relationship that I can't even muster up any hate for it. I called Madison "prett