Ex List

Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: B | Grade It Now!
Let's Talk About Ex

Back at Bella's apartment, buff dude, a.k.a. Augie, advises her not to put her hopes of perfect wedded bliss on "Johnny Tearducts." Bella insists he wasn't that bad, he only wanted to drink her blood in a nice way. Augie says that she can't deal with sensitive guys, it apparently turns her lady parts off, and once she hears Johnny singing about rainbows, it's going to be over again. Unemployed guy (a.k.a. Cyrus) has been ignoring the conversation while he sits on the couch searching for a job and griping about the lack of opportunities, and he doesn't want to take a job at the nursing home because there are too many horny old ladies. Blonde girl (Vivian) walks in; she's dating Augie, and he bought her the makings of s'mores. But this entire complex of roomies hates cinnamon graham crackers. Augie heads off to pout.

Bella asks Vivian to go to Johnny's show. Vivian says no and then lifts up her skirt. She got a bikini wax, called a Ghandi. Bella's annoyed; she's more of a tomboy and doesn't like the added pressure of having to maintain things down there any more than necessary. At this point we learn that Vivian is a high school history teacher, a position which Bella thinks requires pubic hair. But the head of the English department has a Prince Albert. TMI. What kind of over-sharing teacher's lounge does her school have? So Vivian thinks Augie is going to lose his mind, because Viv's already getting hot. Bella really wants company on her Johnny venture, but Vivian's got a slew of waxing-related excuses. So Bella stomps off.

Apparently Daphne was persuaded to tag along, and at the bar she wants to know why Bella never introduced Johnny to the family. Too much time was spent talking about his feelings in his van. Daphne hates the bar scene and is grateful to have her loving (and as-yet unseen fiancé) to go home to. On walks Johnny, who's shed his emo look and has opted for something a little more edgy. Daphne's impressed, so is Bella, until he starts singing his trademark song, "Bitch." Which is about Bella and includes the stellar chorus of, "Bitch / Left me on my birthday / Birthday wishes dead." Random strangers start to talk about how it is based on a true story. Bella has the good sense to look uncomfortable.

Back at the apartment, Vivian is pissed at Augie because he doesn't like her new 'do. I guess. He feels like a pervert because she looks like a teenage girl down there. Nature didn't mean for it to be that way. He grew up looking at his daddy's Playboy collection and he appreciates, "real boobs and shag carpeting." He loves the classics, this one. Vivian doesn't care. He shouldn't walk away from "it," no matter what she does. Ever. Cyrus, who seems to be in his own room minding his own business, doesn't get Augie's issue either.

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