Ex List

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Angel Cohn: B | Grade It Now!
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Let's Talk About Ex

Cue Bella with Johnny in her bed and she's begging him not to go to work. She whines that she wants him to stay and be naked with her instead. He heads to work, then she starts to get bitchy. Then she starts crying. It's kind of like every needy girlfriend you've ever seen. He gives in and stays home to help her get through her body issues. That backfired.

Next scene they're in the tub. She tells him that she was stalking his MySpace page and that she's jealous of his fans, but none of this bothers him. Then she gets a brilliant idea. She'll have him wash the back. He'll see the disgusting mole (which she really should get checked by a doctor) and then freak out and break up with her. He's shocked, but tries to swallow his disgust. He tells her she needs a doctor to check it. Oh no. I'm agreeing with Eric Balfour? This could be a scary sign of the apocalypse. They hop out of the tub, so he can look it up on a medical site to make sure she's okay. "How could such an ugly mole end up on such a foxy lady?," he inquires. Bella's impressed and touched. She even apologizes for hurting him years before.

The next morning she watches him sleep. As Vivian cries for help outside. Viv did something stupid, but Bella doesn't want to know about it, if she hurt Augie. The dude is Bella's best friend. Still haven't figured out where Cy fits into all this. Vivian's lifting up her skirt again. Now Bella's really freaked out. Vivian's got a merkin, or as she calls it, "a toupee for down there." She put it on sideways and now she can't get it off. Bella, going above the call of duty of friendship, tries to help her. But she starts laughing.

Bella's back in the bedroom, offering to make breakfast for Johnny. He'd rather stay in bed. He's kind of crying again, because he's so happy. He's going to have to write millions of songs about her. She's not even freaked out.

Then later on she runs into the apartment and Vivian and Augie are making out on the couch. He's turned on by the scabs. Ew. I'm grossed out right now. But back to Bella, who wants her pals to go see Johnny's gig that night, because she wants to make him happy now that she's all, like, in love with the sensitive guy.

Johnny gives Bella a hot kiss before stepping on stage. She's all sexy groupie again in a teeny tank top and tight leg-baring skirt. Johnny's written a song for her, tells her to raise her hand so the entire packed bar can see her. She changed his life, and this song is for her.

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