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Jacob Clifton: A | Grade It Now!
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Cheese Gotta Have It

Last week Doug and Celia, as well as Andy's new extranational friends Marzipan and Davenport, became permanent fixtures; Nancy kicked Till loose and became manager of the San Ysidro Maternity World, then discovered a mysterious hole in its basement. Of course, it takes just a few minutes for Nancy to make the choice, even after being told to stay out of there, to do the dumbest thing possible. Oh, Nancy. She walks the entire tunnel, all the way to Mexico, staring around at all the Goonies-style art design, and ends up in a scary bathroom. It looks like Saw. Only Nancy Botwin could stumble onto Saw in the basement of a strip mall baby store.

There are drugs, and outside the bathroom there's a meeting going on with a bunch of well-dressed Mexicans speaking Spanish. In the middle of them is a hottie in a suit, clearly the authority figure, and he immediately has some of his men roughly escort her back to the basement. She's scared for awhile, but that doesn't stop her from babbling about how she'd identified the place she came out of as that garage on the other side of the border Guillermo kept sending her, and also that she's identified the guy as a player. Her escort tells her to reimagine the events of the evening, and she heads back upstairs, rattled at the least.

Shane's pricing everything in Bubbie's house for the estate sale, but Andy, Doug and Celia keep earmarking shit for themselves. Doug licks a tobacco pipe, which is disgusting, and Shane admits that he's keeping one particular cigar box for himself, possibly for his ashes -- which Andy points out won't exist, because they're Jewish and don't get cremated. Shane points out that he's not technically Jewish, which causes Andy to give a shout-out to Reform Judaism, "all the cool Jews." Represent, Jenji! Doug reiterates his feeling that Shane is dark and creepy, which he is, but not so dark and creepy as Bubbie was. Inside the box are several dog collars and tags, which Shane prices: "Scraps, Rufus, Lucy? Vintage murdered dog collars, five bucks each." Andy is disturbed.

Coming into work for the morning, Nancy inquires after Celia's love life, specifically the Rocky Mountain Chocolate guy, Phong, and Celia fires off a serious round of anti-Asian hatespeech ("Rice dick, all that soy, pai gao... not for me.") before admitting that she's still working him for free fudge. In a rare bout of giving a fuck, Celia asks after Nancy's own night. "I saw no one attractive in ... a place I wasn't." He's cute, but not that cute. Suit Man is no Conrad or Guillermo; he's like just above Modine. I'm assuming his personality and affect on Nancy's troubled mind will be closer to U-Turn's. Celia assumes Nancy -- who doesn't have coffee actually pouring down her throat at this second -- is thus suffering delusions from caffeine withdrawal.

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