Expedition Impossible
I Don't Know How to Ride This Thing!

Episode Report Card
Pablo G: C | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Camels! Again!

Previously: Team Kansas struggled with horses. We're reminded Mackenzie should be in high school. Mom's Army's problems with kayaking. Gypsies finishing 1st... again. Country Boys catch up to second place after placing seventh in the first stage. The final race between Cops, Mom's Army and Firefighters. The elimination of Mom's Army. There are now 11 teams left.

Aside from some light trampling, this one's going to be bumpy, guys. The good news is we're at the point where it's much easier to keep the teams straight. I'll do my best to restore confusion with nicknames. Dave Salmoni has assembled the teams for stage three. This opening segment is very zippy. Very quick THs about everyone itching to get going or recovering physically from stage two. This stage is going to take two days to complete and involves a mandatory overnight camp at the end of day one. It seems our teams will be reunited with camels. They'll first travel to an oasis checkpoint to collect a canvas scroll and feed for the camels before traveling 1.5 miles to trade the feed for the right to ride the them. The Moustaches will get the five minute head start for being in first place at the end of the last stage... again. The Rednecks' Chad compliments the agility of The Moustaches. The first group of teams to follow consists of Somewhat Limited, Akbar And The Players and The Rednecks. Jeff figures that The Rednecks will have no stomach for running long distances.

Next up is Team Gay Angst, Finding Nino, and We Get It - You're Not In Kansas Anymore in group two. Salmoni points out the first two teams to drop out of the expedition have been all-girl teams. He asks WGIYNIKA directly what they plan to do to change this trend. They say they plan on making an all-guy team go home next. Group three is The S.W.A.T., NY's Worst Calendar Ever, Grandpa's Last Expedition, and Valley Girls. Jim of The S.W.A.T. says he expects his team to pass up some others after their poor showing last stage. Nino, of Finding Nino fame, has more modest goals. He just wants his team to stay in the middle of the pack and make a late push since fishermen don't really train much for things like this. But what of lean protein, Nino? What of lean protein!?

Grandpa's Last Expedition is in last place already after their close scrape with elimination in stage one. Grandpa says their strategy is not to finish last. Wisdom: they have it. The Moustaches are first to the oasis checkpoint with instructions to the location of the next one at an olive mill 3.8 miles away. They're off on their camels and you start to get the feeling a team called "Gypsies" have some sort of destiny written in the stars for them when you see them all on camelback together. Akbar And The Players are not far behind. Rednecks follow. The remaining teams including Somewhat Limited, however, are left with nothing but crazy camels. They're so unpredictable, Blind Guy Erik chooses to get down and walk instead of risking being thrown off. At this point, Team Gay Angst is in fifth place. AJ gets kicked by a camel. Joe Camel kind of looks like a penis (thank you, Norm MacDonald). Coincidence?! Who wants to bet AJ thinks if he weren't gay, the camel wouldn't have underestimated and kicked him? AJ reiterates the camels are all nuts. NY's Worst Calendar Ever, Grandpa's Last Expedition and Valley Girls fall behind trying to get started with the camels. Team Gay Angst, Finding Nino, WGIYNIKA and The S.W.A.T. manage to gain ground on the lead three teams. The S.W.A.T. do so by choosing to run alongside their camels instead of riding. We cut to WGIYNIKA who appear to be having a good time with their camels when, all of a sudden, Lindsey asks to slow down because her camel appears upset. It starts bucking, she gets thrown off and trampled, but more like... possibly maybe stepped on. She whimpers in pain, probably mostly from the fall.

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Expedition Impossible

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