Alias
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Episode Report Card
admin: C+ | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Oh, if only this actually WERE The Office.

Previously on Hey, Can I Park My Ford F-150 In Your Cleavage: Dr. Nancy tried to squeeze Uncle Arvin for info. Uncle Arvin just wanted to squeeze her back. And in the way that makes your stomach flip over and your eyes bleed out. Sark and Evilauren did some damage to a hotel room bed, but left Evilauren's wig remarkably intact. Griffin Dunne pondered his career choices and decided that he could do with a little Sunday night exposure. Vaughn diffused a six-inch plasma charge with only seconds to spare. Syd and Jack shared another meal together, even though they acted like it was their first. Sloane cryptically announced that he might or might not be Syd's real father. And I gave the recaplet an A. And then I spent three hours watching it. And watching it again. And then I gave it a C. And someone I know called me on that. And then they called me a puss. And then I told them to bite me. And yes, I should probably drink more before, during and after both the recaplet and the recap, because that's really the only way to give this show consistent grades that don't suck.

Speaking of drinking, Julio! More wine! Regina can't fly without wings!

Belfast. Home of my ancestors. Oh, okay, so my ancestors are from Cork and Clare and never ventured further north than Galway. SO WHAT. When we join the show currently in progress, we're in some sort of building that looks like it might be a bank. People are scrambling around in slow-mo, guards are directing them out of the building, and The Strings of Impending Death and Destruction are heading into overtime. We get a glimpse of the Irish version of a SWAT team running against the flow on some back stairs. It should be noted that if this isn't the same damn stairwell we've seen in at least two episodes this season, then it sure as hell LOOKS like it's the same damn stairwell. Mexico and this stairwell seem to be vying for position as Most Overused Location This Season.

Panic. People. Running. The film speeds back up as the Irish SWAT guys run past a man dressed in bomb protection gear and his SWAT buddy. Bomb Guy is dealing with what looks like an exact duplicate of the six-inch plasma device from the last episode. He removes the cover, and the interior is full of bath balls. You know, those little plastic things that you toss into the tub when you want it to smell fruity so that you can bathe in the scents of the tropics? Well, that's what they LOOK like. I'm guessing that's not what they are, however. SWAT Buddy says, "This is way outta my league." He has a decent Irish accent, actually. Bomb Guy attaches something to the bomb and says something about there being a motion sensor and a dedicated board running tons of programs and there's no way he can shut it down in time. He seems to have a Scottish accent, which, if that was intended, is also pretty decent. And this from a girl who, after a couple pints of Guinness, sounds like she's been hit on the head with a shillelagh.

Bomb Guy says that the best bet is to shut off the motion sensor, get the bomb into a containment vessel, and get it offsite before it blows the place to smithereens. He cuts the wire that should disable the motion sensor, and…nothing happens. SWAT Buddy's all, oh, great! What the hell do we do now? Bomb Guy's all, got any ideas? SWAT Buddy just grits his teeth and goes, "My kid's favorite color is red." Aw. Brave li'l SWAT Buddy. Bomb Guy understands him, and reaches to cut the red wire. He closes the cutters on it, and there's this really nice sharp cut where we just get a shot of the aftermath of the bomb that obviously went off the split second Bomb Guy cut the red wire. Silence, save for a phone ringing in the background, as we page through some photos of the damage. Not pretty.

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Alias

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