MONDO EXTRAS

Beauty and the Beast: Pilot Review

by Angel Cohn October 11, 2012
Fall Pilot Season 2012: Beauty and the Beast

More bad voiceover, as she talks to Ashley's husband about all of the women he was sleeping with, and how he made them feel like the wife was the only thing standing in their way of true love. He has to make a list of everyone he banged, and one of those women is the assistant Emily with the crazy handbag. She slept with Alex, and was the one who was taking the pregnancy test and the one who signed out the hair color and poisoned her boss.

Tess wants to know what the hell was up and why Cat's been so secretive. For once she doesn't accuse her of banging someone. But she has the phone, and wants to know why it was on the platform near the F train, especially since it seems like Cat drives everywhere. Evan shows up and offers to go to her father's fancy party, so he can help her to deal with her evil stepmother. He also says that they got some fancy spectrometer which is going to help them with the six other weird DNA samples they've found.

Cat shows up again at creepy warehouse where New Math and Vincent are playing chess, and New Math looks peeved that she's there. Vincent appreciates the fancy dress she's wearing. She's there to tell him he's not a monster because he saved her, and six other people, and how she blames herself for her mother's death. He tells her that her mother was being tracked for some reason, so her not knowing how to turn off her mirror light didn't get mom killed. Meaningful looks.

Then we see her journaling to her mother, as the voiceover picks up and she babbles on about how she was saved by a beast. And then she's at the party dancing with Evan, and later staring out an enormous plate glass window, as Vincent crouches on a rooftop to stare at her from across the road. And she VOs, "He's still out there, and I have a feeling that now, we're going to have to save each other." Good God. How annoying and sappy. What teenage girl wrote that crap? Here's hoping that this subpar nonsense lasts about as long as that failed Tarzan series.

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