A Clockwork Nebari

Episode Report Card
Strega: B- | Grade It Now!
The Happy Club

Back on Moya, Chiana says that hundreds of Nebari were infected with this unspecified disease. Crichton asks how they were supposed to spread it around. Chiana says, "Through carnal contact. Neri and I were young. We did an admirable job for them." Crichton asks why she didn't tell them this before, and China explains that the writers hadn't come up with it yet. Well, actually she sniffs that she didn't want to explain that her race were trying to wipe out the rest of the galaxy. She adds, "You barely let me stay aboard Moya as it was." Hey, they let Aeryn stay. I'm just saying. We see Milac lurking outside the cell as Crichton guesses that the Nebari want her so that they can catch Neri. And then Crichton gasps and goes down as his collar is activated. He makes gagging noises and humps the floor a little, which I didn't really need to see. Milac gloats, "It is his time, Chiana. Soon it will be yours."

Oh for fuck's sake. Ack! No, just -- hang on, I'm gonna close the DVD window while I talk about this, because I cannot type while this particular image is staring at me from another window. Jesus! Okay, sorry about that. So, Crichton is in a device that would give Malcolm McDowell dry-heaves. His head is immobilized inside a frame, and there are little pinchers holding his eyelids wide open. Very wide. Much too wide. You can see empty space around his eyeball, is what I'm saying. And it's so startling and wrong that it takes a second to process, so my first reaction is always, "Heh, he looks like a clown!" Because of the big collar and then these giant staring eyes. And then I realize what I'm looking at, and then I start swearing. Gah. But wait, there's more! Part of the framework holding his head is also supporting this little U-shaped dealie which ends in two clamps aimed at his eyes. And okay, really, the framework that seems to be holding his eyes open must be holding a prosthetic of some kind, but knowing how it's done doesn't make it any less disturbing. Bleah. So with that happy image in mind, let's proceed. Varla explains that they're going to remove all of Crichton's "negative impulses." What'll be left? She asks D'Argo to testify. And then we see D'Argo, who's all teary. He sniffs, "All the things I've done as a warrior, all the horrible thoughts I've had all the cycles of my life -- even about you..." He bursts into fresh tears and bawls, "I am so sorry!" Crichton calmly says that they'll talk later. D'Argo wails, "Okaaay," and exits. Hee. Sensitive D'Argo is funny.

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