Bone To Be Wild

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | Grade It Now!
Pray For Osteoporosis

I hope someone lost his job for this. No, not the episode, although it's certainly down there, but the title. "Bone To Be Wild"? They couldn't have ditched the pun and gone with the semi-ironic "Bad To The Bone" or even the more on-the-nose "The Bone Collector" (like some people I could mention did)? I am a difficult person to offend, but seriously: Fired.

Establishing shot of Moya in an asteroid field. In Command, everyone (save Zhaan, who seems unaffected) is bundled up as Pilot, in a hushed voice, tells them the Peacekeeper scan is directly over them. Exposition ensues that the scan is attuned to energy, which is why they've shut down all heat sources at the moment. Who could have known Crichton's looks could turn out to be a curse? D'Argo notes that it's not a simple Marauder chasing them, but Crais's full Command Carrier. One might imagine that things aboard said ship would be a little strained after Crais's crew kind of consented to have him put in the Aurora Chair, but then again, given that the chair seemed to be set in the vicinity of "puree," some gaps in his memory do seem to be a logical result. Chiana says that if no one else will ask, she will: How come Zhaan isn't shivering her ass off like the rest of them? Zhaan explains that her body temperature self-regulates under most conditions. I wish she'd said that blue-skinned creatures have a natural imperviousness to cold, just to see if anyone would have been gullible enough to buy it. Besides Crichton, who doesn't know what "gullible" even means since they took it out of the dictionary.

After an impressive pan up to look at the very large Command Carrier, Pilot informs the others that Moya is picking something up -- a distress call from one of the surrounding asteroids. Pilot manages to isolate it, and we see an alien woman telling the crew that she and her family are under attack. She doesn't add that her attackers apparently forced her to wear a Princess Leia "hair"-style made entirely of light bulbs, but that will be readily apparent if you can grab a screencap somewhere. The woman warns of a creature, which just then seems to arrive, snarling at the terrified woman. I'd try to describe it, but that's going to prove difficult enough even with a much clearer look later on. The transmission ends, and Crichton wonders if it could be a Peacekeeper trick, but D'Argo is able to confirm Pilot's assessment that the message came from an asteroid close by. Pilot adds that the signal is so weak that it's unlikely Crais's ship even heard it, and Aeryn points out that they won't be able to escape the asteroid field without some kind of navigational aid, and maybe the "girl" and her family have charts. Rygel can't believe that they're considering visiting the asteroid. D'Argo: "You do not have to go down there, Your Flatulence." That's good -- he does sound pretty aghast. ("Bone To Be Wild" guy? Now we're even.) Chiana points out that someone is actually asking them for help, and Crichton cottons on and starts giggling: "How stupid is that?" That's actually a pretty complex calculation, so go ahead and mull it over through the opening credits.

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