Bone To Be Wild

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | Grade It Now!
Pray For Osteoporosis

Crichton enters Br'nee's lab with the intent of collecting him and Zhaan, as the transport is repaired. But he finds Br'nee on the floor, and Br'nee tells him M'Lee surprised them and took Zhaan.

Cut to Crichton looking for M'Lee in the forest, yelling a big, grand speech about how she lied -- she said she wouldn't hurt any of them, and then she drags Zhaan off and...he catches sight of a boneless corpse, and his brain finally catches up with him. It really does tend to lag behind quite often. Crichton berates himself for missing the bone thing, and yells, "Idiot!" Even the moss growing on the nearby rocks is like, "Word."

Aeryn returns to Moya, and after some predictable and unimportant back-and-forth with Rygel, she asks Chiana to join her for a moment. She then pulls her close and grabs Rygel by the ear, and informs them both that the baby and Moya are not going to be separated, and any more talk about it will result in them (well, Rygel) being thrown out into space. She then asks after the landing party, and upon hearing that Pilot's still checking, decrees that if they're not back in an arn, they're going to look for them. She leaves, and Rygel asks, "'We'?" Chiana: "She must mean you." Hee.

At the transport, D'Argo's happy to hear someone enter -- but it's M'Lee, spikes down and sporting blue light bulbs as opposed to red. D'Argo takes this to mean she's no longer feral, which must mean she's eaten. I know this is a dramatic place to go to the break, M'Lee, but if you don't want a blast from the Qualta blade, I'd suggest you DENY THAT.

After the break, M'Lee tells D'Argo she didn't eat anyone -- she used all her remaining calcium to present herself in this way so he would listen. Before she can say anything else, though, her light bulbs turn red and she screams in agony, so apparently there wasn't a lot in reserve. D'Argo looks moderately sympathetic, but says he has nothing to offer her...but then he gets A Look as he tells her there's a ship out there with thousands of beings, and no one will regret their passing. He says that as soon as they blast off from the asteroid, the ship will come to investigate. M'Lee looks hopeful, and says she'll control her urges.

Crichton returns to the lab, and Br'nee tries to keep up the act. Crichton: "You know, it's funny. Sometimes I'm very, very slow." Agreed on all counts, except I'd say it's actually hilarious. Anyway, Crichton takes a million years to get to the point, and that's really kind of representative of the whole episode, but anyway: Zhaan has no bones, so M'Lee wouldn't want her. Crichton draws his gun and holds Br'nee at bay, and quickly finds a miniaturized Zhaan in a snazzy jar. Unfortunately, he gets too preoccupied with how much the specimen would go for on eBay to notice Br'nee coming for him. A fistfight ensues, with the hot human overcoming the round shambling mound, but while Crichton dithers over finding the control to un-miniaturize Zhaan, Br'nee gets to his feet and points Crichton's blaster at him. He gives a long-winded speech (is there any other kind in this episode?) about how he's consumed by his work as a botanist, and through Zhaan he might be able to discover medical advances his species has never even dreamed of. "Is that not a fair trade-off?" Sorry, dude, but this episode has dragged on far too long for me to start analyzing that One To Grow On. I'm happy to report, though, that Crichton's earlier speech about how he's so slow was covering the fact that he removed the chakan oil cartridge from his gun, so Br'nee is unable to shoot him as he activates the machine. It starts to rebuild Zhaan from the toes up as Br'nee hurls himself at Crichton, but Crichton tosses him into the beam, which neatly severs Br'nee in two before going back to the process of reconstituting Zhaan. Not sure how that worked from a logistical standpoint, but I'm not about to question it with five minutes left either. Zhaan reports a "weird sensation," but is none the worse for wear, and thanks Crichton.

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