Farscape
Farscape

Episode Report Card
Strega: B | 1142 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
You Know, For Kids

D'Argo is looking very vigilant with his Qualta blade up over his shoulder. Unfortunately, he's not actually being very vigilant, since Crichton jumps out with his gun drawn and orders D'Argo to drop his sword. They don't go for a Princess Bride reference here, for some reason. D'Argo stares at Crichton, who calls, "Down, boy. Roll over." That can't possibly help. D'Argo drops the Qualta blade and tells Crichton to go ahead and kill him. Swirly music, and from off on the sidelines Scorpius urges, "Go on, John, do it. Then we can go to the beach!" Crichton stares at D'Argo while Scorpius adds, "I know a place with naked Sebacean girls and margarita shooters." Heh. Okay, that's my third favorite part. Crichton tells Scorpius to go away, and then pulls out a second gun that he aims at Scorpius. When Crichton turns his head, D'Argo twitches like he's going to pick up the Qualta blade, but Crichton turns back and asks, "Am I being irrational?" He thinks for a minute and says, "Well, have a little pain," and shoots D'Argo in the leg. Crichton and Scorpius advance toward the fallen D'Argo, and Scorpius says, "Finish him. Then we can go to that little Eye-talian joint I know." Crichton turns and aims both guns at Scorpius as he explains, "I don't like Eye-talian." How can you not like Italian food? He really is nuts. Scorpius repeats that Crichton should kill D'Argo. Crichton grunts, "Yeah," and turns back to where D'Argo is. Or, dun dun dunnn, was, because now there's just a trail of blood leading toward the door. Crichton chuckles.

Chiana is jumping around nervously as she moves through the corridor, calling for D'Argo and Zhaan. From off-camera, Crichton says, "Hi, baby," and when Chiana turns, he throws her against a bulkhead and stands close behind her. Chiana squirms and insists, "I can help you!" Crichton shoves his gun into her back and hisses, "I'm still aching from the last time you helped me. What a slut." The camera moves in on their faces so we can't see exactly what's going on as he pulls at her and she jerks. But we can probably guess, since he then asks, "Is that why your family abandoned you? Because you'd spread 'em for anybody, anytime?" Chiana tries to turn her head and whimpers, "Please don't." Crichton says, "No, 'fraid not. My little black book is all full." He raises the gun to the side of her neck. Then the camera starts to pull back so that there's room for Scorpius to lean in and urge some, ahem, restraint. Scorpius suggests tying Chiana up and saving her "for dessert." Crichton starts to lower the gun, and Chiana turns her head back to look at him as Scorpius adds, "Kill the others. Then we can have a little bit of fun with her." Crichton moves his face through Chiana's hair and admits that he likes that idea. Chiana shivers like a bunny, and Crichton finally clonks her on the back of the head with his gun. And all of that was my favorite part. It's just so wrong.

Farscape

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