Crackers Don't Matter

Episode Report Card
Strega: B- | 4 USERS: A+
You Know, For Kids

Pilot calls T'raltixx on the comm and asks where the DRDs have gone. T'raltixx apologizes and explains that he needs the DRDs to help him. We see the DRDs clinging to the walls behind T'raltixx, and long ropes of wire draped all over. Oh, he's installing cable! Cool. T'raltixx says that the darkness hurts his nonexistent eyes. No seriously, that's what he says. He tells Pilot that he needs to make bright light. If only he needed to make Lite-Brites, all of this trouble could have been avoided. T'raltixx says, "I'm just altering Moya's bioluminescence for a few moments. It won't hurt her. Trust me." Pilot says that he doesn't trust T'raltixx, so T'raltixx asks whether Pilot trusts the rest of the crew. Pilot isn't sure. T'raltixx then asks if Pilot needs the crew, and that's easier to answer. Pilot says, "No. They get in the way more than help." He's not wrong. T'raltixx prepares to make Pilot an offer he can't refuse.

Zhaan, still unconscious, has been pulled into the maintenance bay. D'Argo is fussing with the module and starting to bicker with Chiana. Crichton strolls in and takes in the scene before calmly asking if D'Argo killed Zhaan. D'Argo chuckles and explains that he just, um, tongued her. As it were. Incidentally, we get a rare opportunity to see Zhaan's feet here. She appears to be wearing loafers painted blue to match her skin. It's not a good look. I always thought she'd wear sandals. Anyway, D'Argo claims to know that Zhaan was working with Crichton, while Chiana wriggles in under D'Argo's arm like a puppy. Crichton ignores the accusation and calls them "Gilligan and Mary Ann." Then he muses about whether Chiana's more like Ginger, and says, "I'd have to see you in a Wonderbra to know." Given that Chiana's cleavage is airbrushed on, I think not. Crichton asks, "Where are you guys takin' the Minnow?" I've just formed a new theory: Crichton gradually goes nuts in the course of the show because the poor little overworked translator microbes are getting revenge by frying his brain one neuron at a time. Chiana says they're leaving Moya. Crichton disagrees, and holds up a circuit board: "Afraid it needs this to fly." He adds that he's disabled the hangar doors so that nobody can leave. With that, he exits. D'Argo stares after Crichton while Chiana frets, "He didn't care about Zhaan." She wriggles away from D'Argo and complains, "You said she was working for him." D'Argo stammers in confusion and starts to stroke Chiana's face, but she jumps away and snaps, "Stay back!" She hurries away, and D'Argo's left alone saying, "Um..."

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