Home On The Remains

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C+ | Grade It Now!
Zhaan Goes To Seed

Crichton slams his foot between the keedva's legs and the keedva rears back and roars in pain. The keedva tosses Crichton around some more, so Crichton decides to play a dodge-and-weave game with it. He lures the keedva into position and then climbs up its front and vaults over it. The somersault was completely unnecessary and pure showoffiness. Crichton darts through the spiked door and slams it shut with the keedva on the other side. Slightly catching his breath, Crichton draws upon Luke fighting the rancor in Return of the Jedi and opens the spiked door only to slam it several times until he finally gets the poor keedva caught between a rock and a bunch of nasty spikes. With pathetic ROUS' whimpers, the keedva dies. Aw.

B'Sogg creeps his way out of the caverns until he hears a singsong-y, "B'Sogg -- turn around!" It's Chiana. With a gun. And once again, Chiana is doing those weird body contortions that tend to bug me quite a bit. Her toes turned out in First Position, Chiana's taken quite a wide stance for one not in a MSP airport bathroom. If anyone ever exercised to -- or sat on the couch and just watched while aimlessly kicking legs halfheartedly -- Cindy Crawford's The Next Challenge, Chiana looks like she's about do launch into frog jumps. With hysteria creeping into her voice, she orders B'Sogg to drop his gun and kick it away. He does. She demands to know where Crichton is. B'Sogg feigns ignorance and then says with condescending surprise, "Chiana, you're a thief and a trelk, but you're not a killer." "I'm evolving as an individual," Chiana assures him. Heh. B'Sogg says he knows her and she won't shoot him in cold blood, "You can't do it." I swear to fucking god -- whenever a baddie says tauntingly, "You can't do it," it just goads the other person into being all, "Oh, yeah?! Watch me!" Just to prove them wrong. And make them dead. However, here, Chiana agrees that she can't shoot him in cold blood. She lowers her weapon but only to step sideways, raise it again, and scream, as she blasts open a pustule. The yellow acid spews all over B'Sogg's arm and we watch the skin drip off, exposing bone, blood, muscle, and what looks like the actor's actual hand. B'Sogg whimpers and screams as his flesh drops squealchily to the ground. "You biiitch! What did you do!" "Bitch" is a word in the UT? Chiana's look of exultation falters as she starts to look scared and wonder: what did she just do? She won't let B'Sogg see this, though, and she turns from the horror on the cave floor and walks dazedly away, wondering if evolution is always that messy. B'Sogg moans at her not to leave him there to suffer, but Chiana, though terrified by what she did, isn't terrified enough to give him the same mercy she showed his brother.

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