Look At The Princess (1): A Kiss Is But A Kiss

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Escape From Wedded Bliss

The mayhem is interrupted when the Empress says, "Don't stop now. Go on, kill each other. Save me the trouble." Uh oh. She's standing in the doorway with some Ladies-in-Waiting, looking, well, regal. Cargn hisses an apology and marches out. The Empress calmly checks her own face in the broken mirror while sternly advising Aeryn to "consider [herself] the beneficiary of largesse." She leaves, and Rygel hovers over to where Aeryn is still slumped on the floor. Rygel grumpily tells Aeryn not to discourage Crichton from marrying Katralla, since the wedding is the only thing keeping them alive. Aeryn sniffs that she'll do what she thinks is right. Rygel replies, "For Crichton, or for you?" and hovers out. Aw, everybody's picking on Aeryn. Just because she's crazy.

And now we're in what looks like the Stargate prop room. Also, this is kind of awesome: there are a bunch of huge black lamps in the middle of the room. Why is that awesome? Well, they look like they might be high-tech alien equipment. But I think maybe this is an actual room, not a set, and that the lamps are just fill lighting sitting in plain sight, disguised as set decoration. The director and/or the set designer should have gotten bonuses for that one. So, a tech dude is taking a blood sample from Katralla. Crichton and Tyno lurk about nearby. Crichton whines, "If you take any more samples of my DNA, there's not gonna be enough left to be me." Tyno asks what species he is, and Crichton sighs that he keeps telling them that he's human. Tyno snaps, "The Empress has ordered the revelation sealed. No one will ever know." So, why'd he ask, then? Crichton asks why Tyno doesn't marry Katralla himself. Tyno blinks upon hearing that he's not doing so well at hiding his puppy-dog feelings for the Princess, and explains that Katralla's DNA was "poisoned." I think the word he wants is "mutated." Off-camera, Katralla asks the tech to "activate the machine." Crichton quietly asks if Clavor did the poisoning. Tyno says, "Very discerning," and adds that they suspect that Cargn lent a helping claw.

Katralla calls Crichton over to join her in a big glowy circle under one of the Stargates. As Crichton ambles over, she says that their DNA tests confirm that their children will be healthy. Rygel adds, "And you can see what they'll be like! Oh, how many nasty surprises could I have avoided in one day?" Katralla looks up at the equipment and says, "Male infant, please." A beam of light splats down onto Katralla, and just like that, she's holding a baby. And now I think we know what the "sonogram machine" Tom Cruise got really did. Crichton boggles for a second and then coos, "Hey buuuddy, what's up?" Happy family bonding ensues. We pan around to see Aeryn walk in, just in time to join Tyno in mopeville. She watches as Crichton nervously asks Katralla if this is what their child would look like. Katralla says it's just one option: "The choice is ours." The baby flops an arm out at Crichton's buckle-intensive vest and wonders why he's being held under a heat lamp. Aeryn, stricken, then turns and leaves without anyone noticing her. Katralla offers to show Crichton an older version of the kid. Crichton's all for it, though he adds, "Not too grown up." And woosh, suddenly Crichton's bent over to talk to a boy who's...um. I suck at this game. Five? Ish? The kid calmly looks at Crichton and says, "Hi Dad." Rygel chirps that the boy looks just like his father as the kid mock-punches at Crichton. Acts just like him, too. He'll be blowing stuff up in no time! Crichton laughs happily and agrees. Rygel adds, "Yet, he may be able to overcome it," and chortles. Crichton bumps fists with his son a little and finally sighs, "Thank you. That's all." A tech shuts off the spawn-simulator and Crichton's son fades away. Tyno stops grinding his teeth long enough to announce that Crichton's got a big day ahead of him, with tailors and people-meeting, and plus, he has to figure out a pose for his statue. Crichton wipes his eyes and looks a little dazed, but the part about the statue gets his attention. He finally says, "On Earth we have this Queen -- she's got this wave." He does a not-very-good imitation of the Elizabethan wrist-twist, and says he'll go with that. Tyno sniffs that it doesn't look like a comfortable position to stay in for eighty cycles. Which is a really bad way of working the next plot point in, because is there any position that would be comfortable for that long? Crichton asks what Tyno's talking about, and Tyno says, "I just assumed you knew..."

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