Look At The Princess (2): I Do, I Think

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Strega: B | Grade It Now!
The Princess Bride

Crichton and Katralla's hands are bound together with some silk while the Empress lectures them about responsibility. I think we missed most of the ceremony, thank heavens, so at long last the Empress pulls the cloth off their hands, and introduces them to the crowd as "the future Empress and Regent of this great and peaceful civilization." Rygel purrs, "Magnificent, I smell power again," and chortles. Katralla kisses Crichton, and quietly assures him, "Pieces of different kindling often build the strongest fire." Crichton stares into space like he'll file that away to ponder for the next eighty years. Cue the general hugs and well-wishes. Crichton turns to D'Argo and Chiana and asks, "Where was she?" D'Argo advises him to forget about Aeryn. After a second, Crichton holds out some whatjamahoozits and says that he recorded messages for Zhaan, Pilot, and Aeryn. Chiana promises to pass them on, then pulls Crichton in for a hug, saying, "I love you." Crichton smirks, "I know." Ha! 'Cause, with the being turned into a statue, and the...yeah. It's funny, is all. D'Argo awkwardly tries to put a stop to "the kissing and the cuddling." Katralla helps out, by loudly declaiming, "John, I will stand beside you for eighty cycles with love in my heart, and long for the day when we may revive!" Crichton nods to her, and there's beeping and whirring as we see that she's standing under one of those Stargatey contraptions. Light blazes out, and the camera pans around to spare the FX people a little until Katralla is transformed into a shiny gray statue. The guests applaud. Crichton says, "Woah," and is echoed by D'Argo. Tyno materializes near Crichton to offer these cheery words: "It's calibrated only for Sebaceans. Endure the pain. And rule wisely." He pats Crichton on the shoulder supportively, maybe to make up for the way he just announced, "This is gonna hurt like a sonofabitch, by the way." Crichton rubs his eyes unhappily, and D'Argo tells him that it's time for farewells. Crichton walks up into the Stargatery, telling D'argo, "Feel free to wake me up any time." D'Argo says that under the circumstances, he can only tell the truth, and there's good news and bad news. "The bad news is that you're married, and must endure as a statue for eighty cycles in a strange world." Crichton asks for the good news. D'Argo deadpans, "Chiana and I are having fantastic sex." Hee. Crichton and D'Argo both start giggling as the Stargatery powers up, and Crichton flicks his hands out to perform the difficult two-handed peace sign. Also known as a full Nixon. Then Crichton starts screaming and writhing in pain as the statufying light envelops him. We pan around again, and next to the dignified Katralla-statue is a statue of Crichton, looking like he was in the middle of performing "mime climbing the Matterhorn." The crowd applauds. They're an easy audience. We zoom in on Crichton's grimace as the soundtrack goes through some whoops to alert us to the fact that this is a bad thing. The first time I saw these, this was pretty shocking since I was sure that they'd find some way out of this mess before Crichton got frozen. Good cliffhanger. Kind of a shame about the soundtrack. Once again, to be continued.

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