Farscape
Look At The Princess (2): I Do, I Think

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The Princess Bride

The transport pod finally docks with the Jakent ship. A guard enters the ship first, with his adorable white gun. An alarm blares, and a voice announces, "Intruder alert. Twenty seconds to depressurization." Ro-Na dashes past the guards and Crichton, turns off the alarm, and turns on the lights. Crichton looks over the interior, which doesn't take long. As they all move forward, a shot is fired, and one of the guards goes down. The second guard is quickly dispatched as well. Crichton reaches down to take the guard's gun, but before he can do so, there's a gun at his head. Ro-Na crouches behind something as Crichton turns to see Braca, in a pressure suit, grinning at him. Braca smirks, "How disappointing you are in the flesh." Crichton admits that he gets that a lot, and gingerly stands up as Braca says, "To think of all the energy Scorpius expended on you." Aw, he's jealous! Braca tells Ro-Na to signal Scorpius.

Some time later, Braca guards Crichton as Ro-Na expositions that she's set the transport pod adrift so that the Marauder can dock. She wants the rest of her money, but Braca says it'll have to wait till Crichton is aboard the Command Carrier. A tweedle announces an incoming transmission, and Ro-Na scampers over to answer. Crichton hisses at her, "You do not get the toaster!" Scorpius appears via hologram, and Ro-Na whines at him about her payment. Scorpius tells Braca to pay her, adding, "At the conclusion of the mission, give her something...additional. From me." Ro-Na looks delighted, because she doesn't recognize an ominous pause when she hears one. As Braca pays Ro-Na, Scorpius turns his attention to Crichton. He mentions that D'Argo just paid him a visit. "Of course since I have no idea where you are, he left feeling, well... unfulfilled." If you're working on a Scorpius impression, the trick is to always pause before the last word or phrase in a sentence, and then add some creepy emphasis. Try it at home! "I would like some milk and...cookies." Crichton asks why Scorpius won't leave him alone, and Scorpius reminds us all about the wormhole technology, saying that it makes Crichton "unique in the galaxy. And unique is always valuable." Scorpius disconnects, and Crichton mutters, "Unique, unique." If he said, "Unique New York," I'd be impressed. Instead, he flicks a switch on the console above him. Braca snaps, "Stop, or I will shoot you." Crichton asks, "You promise?" and stands up. Braca waves the gun around and orders Crichton to sit. Crichton, the gun pressed into his chin, argues, "I don't think Scorpy's gonna give you your badge of commendation if you shoot 'unique'." Braca takes a step back, points the gun down, and threatens to shoot Crichton's limbs off. Good thinking! Except that Crichton immediately points out that, unlike a Sebacean, he'll bleed to death. He imitates Scorpius saying, "Oh, Officer Braca, what the frell happened?" No, no. Pause and emphasis, remember? While Braca ponders that, Crichton grabs the gun muzzle and places it solidly against his forehead, yammering, "Let's do this thing!" After a second he remembers that Scorpius wants his brain, and moves the gun down to his heart instead, sliding it around while instructing, "My right, your left -- my left, your right!" Then he moves the gun further down to his crotch, and shouts, "John Wayne Bobbit! Vienna Boys Choir!" Braca, always late to the party, moans, "You're insane." Crichton moves the gun muzzle up again so it presses against his right palm and suggests, "Kill my sex life! Now! Quick!" And then he shoves the gun away, causing Braca to fall back, and stomps over to the console. Ro-Na moves to stop him, and Crichton whirls, pressing his index finger against his throat. He rasps, "Get back or the white boy gets it!" And then in panicky tones he says, "Oh man, don't let him kill me!" Ro-Na backs away, trembling, and Crichton finishes his Bugs Bunny routine by dropping his hand and grunting, "You people are so dumb." Braca orders Crichton to sit down. He does, and promptly starts fiddling with the controls. Ro-Na helpfully identifies the various systems he's messing with. The one that gets Braca's attention is "weapons priming." He forces Crichton out of the chair and tells Ro-Na to shut down the weapons. Crichton lurks in the doorway and heckles as a voice comes through the comms, announcing, "You have engaged weapons in a tactical free zone surrounding the Royal Planet. Power down your shields and identify yourself immediately." Crichton points to the comms and asks if he should get that, and Braca orders him to stay back.

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Farscape

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