Look At The Princess (3): The Maltese Crichton

Episode Report Card
Strega: B | Grade It Now!
The Runaway Groom

Previously: kissing, arguing, fighting, kerzapping, revealing, decommissioning, exploding, decommissioning, sulking, wedding, fossilizing.

The wedding party has cleared out, and D'Argo, Chiana, Rygel, and Tyno are alone with a couple of guards. They admire the statues of Katralla and Crichton. As much as one can. Rygel grunts, "I think [Crichton] should have taken his pose more seriously." Tyno suggests that Crichton did the best he could. There's a little chatter to establish that Scorpius has one day to get out of Dodge, and that they expect Moya to reappear once he's gone. Well, Rygel probably doesn't care, because he's planning to stay on Faber'Ge. He explains, "Crichton will need advising, and the food's good." Rygel's so cute sometimes. D'Argo thinks it's time to say goodbye. Tyno and the guards leave, and D'Argo holds a headset to where his ear ought to be and says, "John?" We hear Crichton's voice, which sounds as if it's coming through some tin cans. Erm. So they have mind-reading communication devices of some kind? That's useful. In fact, it's so useful that you'd think somebody would be impressed by it. Maybe it only works on statufied people. Anyway, Crichton says that he feels fine, and D'Argo passes that along before Crichton adds, "I'd really love to pick my nose." D'Argo tells everyone, "He remains without a sense of humor." Considering his circumstances, I'd say he's doing pretty well. Crichton asks to speak to Chiana, who says, "You look great in bronze." He tells her that she looks great in pink. And, scene. That was kind of pointless, wasn't it? I guess it's just so we know that he wasn't killed by the transformation, but I'd have assumed that so it seems a bit needless.

Some time later, the room is empty, and the lights have been dimmed. Clavor snivels in, cursing and exclaiming, "I'm gonna topple his statue!" He tries. He fails. So he punches Crichton in the head with a metallic "bonk." Then he whimpers in pain. His stupidity is truly profound. Cargn enters and dryly suggests "a more permanent tactic." Clavor asks what, and Cargn fires up some kind of wrist-mounted light saber and neatly slices Crichton's head off. Whoops. The head falls neatly into Clavor's lap.

Cut to a big green pool of sizzling acid. Cargn and Clavor have moved to a room decorated with a lot of hanging chains, a couple of flaming lamps, and the aforementioned vat of acid. Cargn asks if Crichton is still alive, and Clavor explains, "Each cell is self-encapsulated. As long as the parts stay in their metallized state, he can be reconstituted." He adds that his grandfather was broken in half by an earthquake, but when he was restored he just had a "severe limp." Cargn holds Crichton's head above the vat and declaims, "Foundry acid should ensure this ruler fares worse." Clavor grabs the head for some final thoughts. He tells Crichton, "Our laws state that a couple must rule together. That's why the crown soon must pass to me, because you can't rule with one little head!" With that, he drops Crichton's head into the vat, and there's a dramatic cue on the soundtrack which is only slightly undercut by the way the head bobs around on the surface of the acid in a way that suggests it's made of styrofoam rather than metal.

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