Taking the Stone

Episode Report Card
Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now!
Everybody Must Get Stoned

Aeryn finds Crichton and slaps him awake, pulling him to his feet. Crichton tells her, "I had a pissing contest with Molnon. I won. I think." Aeryn doubts that. Crichton thinks he convinced Molnon to convince Chiana not to jump. Oh, that's not good, Crichton! You HAVE TO REMEMBER! Oh wait, I don't care about Chiana. Right then, carry on with your hangover. Meanwhile, Crichton whips out a small black box and tells Aeryn it's a tissue sample from the Lost People -- doesn't he need to explain who those people are to Aeryn? -- and she needs to get it to Zhaan to scan so they can determine what's killing the Stoners. Oh, let them die -- they're just a strain on our country's resources. Crichton staggers off to "see if [his] Excedrin headache was worth it."

Opening a Peacekeeper Dopp kit, Crichton picks up what I would call on Star Trek a hypospray, and an amber pill that looks like a Vitamin E tablet. Chiana bounces in to see him, shouting his name. Crichton grabs at his head and says, "Not so loud." Chiana giggles that the "morna" have a kick to them. Chiana happily tells him that Molnon told her what they talked about. Crichton is thrilled and makes moves to get off the planet. "Oh, I'm not leavin', I'm jumpin'!" Chiana trills. Crichton gets mad and tells Chiana Molnon's just using her, so he won't have to jump. Chiana insists she wants to jump. "Okay, you want to jump? But whatever you want, you can't want to die," Crichton pleads, taking her face in his hands. "Well, maybe one day you'll understand," he says, stroking her face. Then he takes out the hypospray and injects her with something. Chiana gasps and totters around. Everything in her vision is blurry. She breathes, "You frelling khan." Chiana, I believe that's "you frelling KHAAAAAAAAN!" Crichton hoists her over his shoulders just as Aeryn walks in to ask what he's doing. Crichton insists that Chiana wants to jump and kill herself. "You can't take her like this," Aeryn tells him calmly. Crichton, infuriated, points out that Aeryn is the "poster girl for frontal assault" and he can't believe she's not dragging Chiana back herself. Aeryn calmly explains that if she really wants to, Chiana will find a way to kill herself, and nothing Crichton does will stop that. Crichton puts Chiana down on a bed and asks when Aeryn got so insightful. "I understand loss," Aeryn says simply. "So do I," Crichton says. He asks if she sent the tissue samples to Zhaan. She did. "Well, let's get her on the dog and bone," Crichton says. Aeryn sort of nods then thinks better of it and says, "Whatever that means, Crichton." The PHONE, Aeryn! Get with the Cockney rhyming slang! I know all Americans do.

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