Taking the Stone

Episode Report Card
Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now!
Everybody Must Get Stoned

One of the Stoners gets Crichton's attention by calling him, "Hey, Ancient." Crichton, clearly sensitive to the fact that he might not be aging well without a good supply of his Neutrogena Age Shield, snaps, "Who the hell are you talking to?" The Stoner -- the same guy that suggested they "mark" Chiana in the opening -- says his name is "Molnon," but it comes out sounding like "Muhnuh." Stagily bringing out a fringed mushroom from his pocket, he suggests, "Taste?" Meanwhile, one of the other Stoners is transfixed by Aeryn. Molnon creeps over and breathes that "Vyna" is "amazed" by how old Aeryn is. She's got wrinkles and age spots. Not from where I'm standing, bub. Aeryn, annoyed at being called "historic," takes it out on the Stoner under her foot, kicking him once again. Led by Molnon, the Stoners file out, presumably going back to the Wendy House to discuss their Peter Pan complexes. Aeryn and Crichton try to shrug off the Stoners ageist babblings and concentrate on finding Chiana. Crichton tosses the life disk at Aeryn and requests that she ask Chiana about it. Aeryn doesn't want to, but Crichton insists, saying Chiana's already pissed at him. "I'm not good at nice," Aeryn tells Crichton. "Just don't shoot her," Crichton relents.

Rygel is back on Moya and D'Argo is trying to figure out why. Standing behind a conspicuously bumpy pile of figured blue satin, Rygel insists that Aeryn and Crichton left him first when they went looking for Chiana underground. Drawing closer to the conspicuously bumpy pile of figured blue satin, D'Argo rips the figured blue satin back. Grunting and gasping, Rygel loses his fight, and D'Argo exposes the grave robber's haul. "You robbed the dead," D'Argo states, disgusted but completely not surprised by Rygel's behavior. After D'Argo leaves, Rygel opens a box and gazes in ecstasy at a ceremonial gold-edged African-ish mask. Turning the mask over, Rygel gapes at what he finds underneath. Yeah, it's a Hynerian face. Or what's left of it. A black snake slithers out of one of the eyes. Instead of running screaming from the room as I did, Rygel sighs, "Bonus!" He then grabs the snake -- more like a large black maggot, actually -- and eats it. See, that's when I should have run screaming from the room. I also need to remember: don't eat before watching this show. Ever.

Back on the Planet of the Dead, Chiana swigs on something, and probably wonders moodily if her acne will ever clear up and whether she can get out of second-period gym so she can meet up with Jordan Catalano for a smoke. Ignoring the "KEEP OUT THIS MEANS YOU" and "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK" signs on her door, Aeryn walks in on Chiana's sulk. Dropping the life disk at her feet, Aeryn tells her, "You forgot this," and walks away. She really doesn't do nice. I love her. Chiana -- starved for the attention she can't get from The Cure no matter how many times she plays "Pictures of You" -- quickly says, "It's my brother, Nerri." Aeryn stops and turns back to look at her. She leans against the wall and folds her arms, looking coolly down at Chiana. There will be no soppy coaxing and hand-holding here. "He's terminated. It means he's dead," Chiana says, pathetically. Aeryn says, "I'm sorry." And she means it. Chiana gets up eagerly and tells Aeryn she has to show her around the catacombs. "You know what they do if they want you to stay? They make you run through these rings of fire, like, um, naked! Totally naked. And once you go through that, you go into the Sonic Cowl -- that's where I just was. Your whole body -- it vibrates. You gotta try it." Aeryn, who has been watching Chiana sadly and indulgently, suggests that Chiana's had too much to drink. "Don't be like Crichton," Chiana pleads. "Come on, everyone's so lame on Moya." Chiana entreats Aeryn to stay with her, or at least to stay for The Gathering, which, she's been told, will blow her mind.

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