That Old Black Magic

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
When We First Took The Pill

"You want him to keep pursuing me," John stutters out. "So if he brings his ship within reach..." Yep. "He was seriously thinking of taking it home. Can you believe that? Now he'll never turn back! Deeper and deeper into the Uncharted Territory he'll go. And sooner or later, that ship will be mine." Given Crais's utter inability to find John, I don't know why Maldis doesn't just send out like a "PKs are Gaylords" email while Crais is still close by.

(Or, I don't know, how about this: MALDIS WAS ALREADY ONBOARD THE COCKADOODIE CARRIER WHEN HE ABDUCTED ITS COMMANDING OFFICER NOT A GODDAMN HALF-HOUR AGO. Or maybe I just don't get the real on space vampires in stupid clothes. I am...totally at peace with that. Or maybe I'm missing something. It's just that this episode is so terribly long, and they keep doing the same shit over and over and saying the same shit over and over like just Ctrl-V Ctrl-V Ctrl-V Ctrl-V and I am dying here. Why do I love this episode so much? Looking at it on paper it's like the laziest fucking thing ever. It's an act structure, an outline, with nothing filled in for the middle Acts. "See above re: what everybody's.. still doing.")

John hates that Maldis has screwed him by resetting everything to status quo, plus admittedly a little extra crazy -- which is like a third thing that has no relative value, bughouse is bughouse when you're talking about Crais -- and so he tries to stab Maldis, which does not work, and them Maldis decides he was telling the truth before about how one of them goes home and the other one dies, so that'll be John then, and Maldis gets super spooky, and John drops the knife.

Over at Bizarre Bazaar, Zhaan moans and drops, as Maldis draws John's soul out through his face, using only the magical palm of his mystical space vampire hand and his stupid voice hissing, "Diiieeeee."

Zhaan shows up and is pretty badass with her hands on either side of Maldis's head and blue energy. "John, I've broken through and made him tangible." Outside, Aeryn's rifle calms down, and the defenses around the Korner chill out. "He's all yours now," Zhaan says, shoving Maldis toward John. For such a punch! He hits a wall and explodes in red light; everybody falls down.

On Moya, John grabs Rygel's head, and he starts in yelling before he realizes he has no idea where he is or what's going on. "You died down on the planet. D'Argo and Aeryn brought your corpse up here and I...revived you. ...Yes. The others wanted to set your body adrift, but I insisted I could save your life. And I did!" John's like, "Awesome. Thanks." He hugs little Rygel. "Course you did. It's not Kansas, and you're way too homely to be Auntie Em. Come here, Toto." He kisses Rygel wildly and laughs his ass off. It is wonderful. Reconnection with the body, and with Rygel. Maybe he didn't lose anything today. Maybe he didn't lose anybody at all.

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