That Old Black Magic

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
When We First Took The Pill

Crais listens to the priority message as beautiful XO Teeg watches. "Captain Crais. You are to cease your pursuit of the escaped leviathan transport. Withdraw from the Uncharted Territories at once and return to First Command for new orders. The Council awaits a full explanation of your failure." Crais notes to Teeg -- not so comforting -- that the Admiral requested her to hear this order in case he refused. "He'd expect me to take over command in that event." And? "My first loyalty is to my Captain." Huh. Peacekeepers are weird. I mean, he's not only nuts but really bad at the job he's decided to do, which is track down six people and a ship that could not matter less. "And mine is to the Council," he...totally lies? Or maybe there's just an obvious "...Except when it's my insane revenge agenda on the table, then it lies with me, and all your asses are cannon fodder." You say that out loud, it gets messy. "Is there any other record of this transmission?" he asks, wondering if he can bargain for more time. There is not. Also, the other thing he just said, which you might have not noticed, is that he is going to kill her ass dead in about one second. He dismisses Teeg and smashes the transmission chip, as Haloth appears in the Carrier and zaps him right out of there. I assume everybody throws a party at this point.

"My name is Haloth. Welcome to my home." Crais yells all excited, because he's Crais. "Your swift and mighty vessel is undisturbed. Traversing territories yet unmapped." That's what she said. Crais offers to kill Haloth and Haloth is like, hang on though. Crais charges him and he turns into red smoke. "Before you vainly try and do me harm, behold this glimpse of one whose death you've sworn." Crais knows this one already. "Crichton."

Aeryn's in the bazaar wondering where John went, and D'Argo reveals that he can track John by smell. "You can smell Crichton in all of this?" Turns out John's "odor" is even stronger than Aeryn's. She complains that she has no odor, but then they find John, all sprawled in the dirt. Aeryn sends D'Argo to find Zhaan, panicked.

"Oh, dear...oh, dear. Friend Crichton, I have news that you will not like," says creepy Haloth. "Like you couldn't find Crais?" There's a semi-horrible morph as Haloth takes on his real face: Maldis. Black vinyl, HUGE Elizabethan collar, stuff on the head: "Actually, I found him quite easily." John finally twigs that something awful is happening.

Back to the bazaar, in Purple's shop, where Zhaan examines John: "No obvious injuries." Cool, thanks. Is that the extent of your examination? Because...never mind. "Could he have been poisoned?" asks Aeryn, and the answer is "Kinda." Zhaan's like, "Why would anybody hurt John?" And Aeryn's like, "He's totally lying right there, hurt. You can totally see him with your big blue eyeballs. Have you been injured?"

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