That Old Black Magic

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now!
When We First Took The Pill

"So this entire planet is subjugated by one man," Aeryn revs up, but Liko stops her. "Not a man! A cruel and malevolent being who's learned to transcend corporeal form." You know what, I'd take fifteen Maldises over one Liko any day, because I like to know where the danger is coming from. Aeryn advises him to lead an uprising of the people like usual, and Liko's like, "Do you understand this word 'invincible'?" He admits that pre-Maldis, he was a high priest. Zhaan's like, "Awesome, we totally have to bone now." Liko fought back, but his "spiritual powers weren't strong enough," so he got the beatdown, and now it "amuses" Maldis to keep him alive, in poverty. When you put it that way, it's kind of amusing. "Hey, Purple Preacherman, how about your life sucks from now on?" Liko tells them how they're going to die some more and D'Argo says that they are totally going to bounce. "You can't escape Maldis's grasp! Even in space -- hundreds, thousands of [miles] away -- he can get at you!" Oh my God, enough with the Maldis. Maldis is the Syriana of the Uncharted Territories. "Yeah I'm sure it's incredibly amazing, but I am sooooo busy though. ...No, I mean it. Stop talking about how awesome it is or we're going to have a tussle." Like you just kind of start thinking maybe Maldis isn't so powerful, just because he's overselling it so bad. Like maybe Maldis sucks, you start to think. (Veronica Mars and Arrested Development fans, pay attention. And you Battlestar people too. More flies with sugar, less flies with crazy-eyeball obsession. Take it from one who knows.) Aeryn's like, "So what is his actual M.O.?" Liko points at John: "That's it, basically. Rips your soul out your body, yadda yadda." D'Argo wonders aloud how they're supposed to fight that kind of party foul; Aeryn is like, "Oh, we're going to eat his lunch, don't think twice about that." She asks Liko where she can find her future bitch -- he's in the abandoned corner of the bazaar where nobody ever goes, naturally -- and Aeryn's like, "It's one thing to terrorize indigenous inferior idiots and primitive purple perverted priests, but quite another once I head up to Moya and get every gun I ever owned." Word! John's body with no soul is only half the story! Three-quarters at best!

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