Twice Shy

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B+ | Grade It Now!
Kiss Of The Spider Woman

Talikaa climbs up something with the Scorpius blob and hangs it with the others. They're hanging in these, um... they're hanging from the ceiling. And they glow bright green, which is why you should not use steroids, only they are the size of footballs. Sikozu's new-old leg is not entirely helpful and she's gasping trying to follow Talikaa, half on her knees. "Found it. Tier seven, the cargo bay." John, with a nod to getting it together: "I'm never gonna make it." But still he tries, and leaves his chamber for tier seven. Sikozu drags her leg -- she is not her leg; John's dragging something you can't see but is just as damaged -- into the room.

John stumbles into the bay and spots Sikozu; he puts his gun down and addresses the air. "I know you can see me. The bad guys always see me. 'Cause my plans suck. People die. It's always a mess." Talikaa's like, "Oh, right! Crichton! Hi!" She smiles down at him from behind the girder. "Yeah, that's me. The dumb-ass. I help someone, and they screw me." She explains that there's no room for remorse in this pussy party: "You are food, and I eat." "There's always an excuse, lady." She asks if the others are also going to come to kill her, and he assures her it's just him and her. She starts to climb down. "I was planning on grabbing those nads there, but I guess you're not gonna let me do that, are ya?" She joins him on the floor and gives her regrets. Behind her, Sikozu makes her way toward the orbs.

"I'm tired. Let's...why don't we just end it?" John sighs, and sinks to his knees. "Come on. I'm tired. I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of fighting. Just bring it on. End it now." Sikozu begins to gather the orbs. "Do you want me to kill you?" Talikaa asks, as though she's heard this a million times before, which of course she has. "Yes, please. Fast, slow... lady's choice." She kneels in front of him -- "I like it slow" -- and chitters at him like a horrible bug. He falls back onto the floor and shouts, "Oh God, I was afraid you were gonna say that. Bring it on." She informs him that it has already been broughten. She makes the noise again and leans down. He's tired. He's not kidding. Things are not fine.

Sikozu yells, arms still all up in the orbs: "Crichton! Don't let her!" Talikaa drops John and heads for Sikozu, who gasps and turns back to the orbs. She tries to hit Sikozu with the scream but it doesn't quite connect; John grabs his machine gun and aims at Talikaa. She turns back and screams, but too late. He shoots at her and she turns into the giant spider. "Whoa. Freaky." That's all we can ask of him right now. He shoots her again. He yells encouragement to Sikozu and continues to shoot at the attacking spider. He finally just shoves the gun in her mouth and pulls the trigger. I'm saying that of all the ways he could have solved the monster problem this week, he shoves the gun in her mouth and pulls the trigger. I wasn't fucking around with the depression talk above. She lights up from inside and explodes for awhile, and then John cracks another lame joke ("Along came a spider / Exploded beside her") and passes out.

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