Vitas Mortis

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A+ | Grade It Now!
Dullas Shittis

Up on Moya, Chiana's in a bit of a bind. Moya's All Temperature Cheer has solidified around her legs. Her yarn-over-cotton pants make her look like Geordi LaForge when he turned into a salamander thing that could only be seen in special light. I guess Special Light Salamander is better than Sex Salamander. Chiana bellows for Zhaan and Aeryn. Aeryn arrives and laughs at Chiana, asking what she did. "Get me out of here?" Chiana pleads. "When did I become your servant?" Aeryn parrots. Chiana tells her to just help her and save the silky-haired remarks for later. Zhaan arrives. "What did she do?" Zhaan demands, prodding at the solid amnexus fluids. I love that they automatically assume Chiana's at fault. I would, too. Zhaan asks if Pilot knows what's going on. "Only that Moya's hydric system is failing on a number of tiers: cause unknown," Pilot responds.

Once Crichton ascertains that D'Argo is alive and ready and willing, he leaves so the two Luxans can have all the sex. Basically, Sexan says that she initially wondered if D'Argo was powerful enough to bring her back from the BRINK OF DAWN! I mean, death. And he was and she's young and she wants him to reap the rewards. The fucking rewards. She starts by licking his nipples before Crichton is even out of the room. Interesting that D'Argo's nipples look just like everyone else's.

On Moya, Aeryn hacks at the solid Tide around Chiana. She has no luck and Zhaan, with her magical solvents, is faring just as poorly. Pilot announces that they have more serious problems: parts of Moya's outer hull are peeling like a bad sunburn.

Crichton, in the Neuschwhinestein waiting room, learns what is going on with Moya. Zhaan says they urgently need him and D'Argo. Crichton, ever the wingman, says D'Argo's still engaged but he'll be right up.

Sounds of D'Argo's engagement are loud and repetitive. As the two Luxans lie panting in their afterglow, Sexan tells D'Argo that she wants to go home and start a new life. A new life with him. D'Argo wonders how she can find her way home. Apparently, she can do anything and can even help his friends. D'Argo wants to see his son again. Sexan promises they will find him because anything is possible now. Even multiple orgasms!

Up above, Moya quivers, and Pilot reports an outer hull breach but there's no decompression to worry about because Moya's inner walls are unaffected. Curiouser and curiouser.

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