Vitas Mortis

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A+ | Grade It Now!
Dullas Shittis

Aeryn runs through the corridors armed with a very large gun. Crichton sees her and asks what's up. "D'Argo and his woman are going to make a run for it -- I'm going to stop them," she tosses back. "Not with that thing you aren't!" Crichton counters. "Watch me," Aeryn retorts. Oh, I will. It goes without saying, but: awesome Aeryn hair in this scene. I want to bottle and lather, rinse, repeat with it every day.

In slo-mo, Aeryn and Crichton reach the launchbay just behind Sexan and D'Argo. "Aeryn!" Crichton yells, ruining the element of surprise. D'Argo and the Sexan turn. Aeryn fires. D'Argo throws his body in front of Sexan screaming cinematically, "Nooooooooooooooo!" Aeryn reacts to this turn of events by slightly dropping her jaw and contorting her magnificent brows. Sexan does more; she bows her head, her eyes flare red for a moment, and the oncoming blast disperses in two separate pieces around D'Argo. They flare out and hit a bulkhead instead. Sexan glares, and suddenly, Aeryn and Crichton are encased in plastic prisms. Sexan urges D'Argo to leave with her. He does.

A DRD hums around and the plastic prisms shatter. "What was that?" Aeryn asks. "Pins and needles!" Crichton announces, "You're asking the wrong spaceman!" In response to Crichton's next shout, Pilot wheezes that the transport pod containing D'Argo and Sexan left fifteen microts ago.

Neuschwhinestein. Nothing Sexan has done is helping the situation. She suggests they get away in the transport pod, because distancing herself from Moya might help. "Leave my friends?" D'Argo breathes incredulously. "D'Argo, it's just a ship!" Sexan ventures. "Moya is NOT just a ship!" D'Argo retorts. Seriously. D'Argo accuses Sexan of taking Moya's life to restore her own. Sexan snorts, "The life of a leviathan for the life of an Orican." Oh, just kill her now. Kill her badly. They shout and argue. I gulp and drink. Sexan perches on her sex-mussed bed and says she can't lose her young, nubile body and she can't lose him. "D'Argo, I don't know what to do," she breathes, "tell me what to do." Die, bitch, die!

Crichton arrives, calling out to D'Argo that they need to talk. What happened to the fearful servant? D'Argo appears in the doorway of the bedchamber, his Qualta blade raised and ready. Crichton pointedly pulls Wynonna from his hip... his hip... his hip, um, holster. Yeah, his hip holster! And places it on the table. He's unarmed. Except for that deadly sexiness. D'Argo lowers his blade. Crichton tragically rasps that they're out of time. Moya's hull is deteriorating and Pilot can't do a thing. "You know what's causing it," Crichton says gently. "John," D'Argo pleads, "[Sexan] isn't evil." Crichton says that changes exactly nothing. D'Argo begs Crichton to understand. "I understand," Crichton says flatly. "What she's doing is killing Moya." "She didn't mean it," D'Argo insists. "Doesn't matter," Crichton repeats. It's murder and Crichton knows it and D'Argo knows it and now my cats know it. D'Argo bellows tearfully that he knows what has to be done, and flings his Qualta blade across the room. It sort of looks like he TKs it, but I'm not entirely certain. Nor do I really care in this wasteland of an episode. While a monkish choir intones on the soundtrack, D'Argo breaks down in silent but manly tears. Bringing over the Qualta blade, Crichton carefully sits down next to D'Argo. He looks at D'Argo, but then looks away again without speaking. D'Argo sneezes. Okay, so I guess it's not a sneeze, it's a wordless spasm of pain and frustration. But it sounds like a sneeze. D'Argo says that he came to Neuschwhinestein to end "this," and end it he will. Please end it soon. Crichton silently offers him the blade. D'Argo takes it.

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