We're So Screwed (2): Hot To Katratzi

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
"When You Wake Up In The Morning, What Do You Hear?"

Emperor Staleek immediately dispatches a Stryker to the coordinates, via Captain Jenek, and asks if they've done any checking up on "Crichton's ship," Lo'La. I love how Jenek is like the go-to guy for everything, but I'm sure it's a flag officer kind of situation where Jenek's literally the ranking guy currently on Katratzi, so he kind of is. Jenek admits that Lo'La's force field is still impenetrable, but they're trying to override it. Staleek, ever hopeful, tells him to totally override it, and then check its logs and star charts and whatever else. Ahkna, predictably: "This is folly! Crichton plainly knows nothing about wormholes!" Staleek's like, "For once could you turn that gimlet eye back on your own giant stovepipe hat? You've been torturing Scorpius this whole time and anybody who's ever seen this show knows that wormholes are like the one thing he doesn't have under control. For somebody who hates maybes and thinks every yes is a maybe, you sure do love beating up that old perv." Ahkna's like, "I question even his zero knowledge about wormholes! Such are my powers of doubting!" She then runs off to torture him some more.

Scorpius drools; Ahkna commends him on his resilience, and he laughs through his drool that it's probably his Scarran genes making him awesome. Ahkna laughs, and he offers to trade places with her for a bit and find out. "How would you like to punish me?" she says, all 1-900-SLUT-GIRL, and Scorpius is like, "Give me an hour and you'll find out." I don't know if she's kidding or what. I do know that she's hilarious: "Oh, I wish we had more time. But what I need to know now is, what you do know about wormholes." That's the best line she says, but Scorpius is right there with her: "Well, torture me! And I will amuse myself with dreams of you." He does the tongue thing at her again. It's not quite as sexy as he seems to think, although mostly that's because he looks like a bedsore with frostbite, even on a good day. "Kill me and my knowledge dies with me," he grunts at her. But she questions even life and death with aplomb!

"Are you sure? Even if an old friend helped you to the other side?" Scorpius coughs and she steps to the side, revealing..."Stark!" Scorpius gasps, blown away. The thing about Stark right now is that he's got hair down to the collar, and it makes him like ten times even hotter than he was before. However, he is also being pretty normal. He's a pretty normal guy: "There's no way to escape, Scorpius. Not even into death. Because as you're making your agonizing passage to the other side..." He lifts his mask; brilliant golden light falls on Scorpius's face. He begins to scream and strangle. This is perversion. I don't like this at all. I want some answers. Stark: "...I am going to capture your soul, and with it everything you know." The light shines brighter and brighter, as Scorpius screams silently. Now in terms of Grasshopper's karma, he kinda went there first, as far as abusing the stykera state for his own purposes. Even if they were good purposes for bad reasons, it was still fuckin' creepy. But this...my Stark doesn't do this stuff. Not even to...hell, especially not to Scorpius. Let me tell you I was livid.

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