We're So Screwed (2): Hot To Katratzi

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: B- | Grade It Now!
"When You Wake Up In The Morning, What Do You Hear?"

"I'll give you my bike if you kill him," John whines, and Scorpius clears his throat: "May I speak?" They simultaneously say "No," without thinking about it -- she even waves her hand at him distractedly, looking into John's eyes. And he shakes his head. "He's tellin' the truth. We'll sort you out later." John holsters Winona; Scorpius falls back onto the table. How much of that was theatre? How much was an elaborate bluff? "I apologize in advance for any incivility or insensitivity on my part," says John on comms, "but it is beer o'clock. Where the hell is my riot?"

The Scarran tells the Charrid that there are logs showing a Charrid lieutenant having just returned from the cavern; the Charrid points at the Secretary: "Kalish documentation." Vakali walks over and asks what he's implying. Rygel giggles -- "Oooh, you're going to get it" -- and the Charrid says he's "implying" that the intruders couldn't have gotten into the caverns by themselves: somebody must have given John and Aeryn the codes. Vakali protests this "baseless accusation" and the Scarran soldier grabs them both by the lapels. "Find out where the fault does lie. I expect a full account from each side in less than two arns." He growls and releases them, walking away, and the Charrid splits from the Secretary to start shit: "Tear down the system to the foundation, find the leak," says the Charrid, and he runs back to Vakali: "You will not destroy my relationship with the Emperor." Vakali's like, "Um, WTF? This is a security issue?" They talk about how useless the security Charrids are, and the Charrid's like, yeah: "Ordering biscuits and repairing urinals has never won a war." Which, Vakali points out, the Charrids have also never done. Snap! He grabs him by the throat and holds him in the air, and calls him a hapooda -- "and I bet not a very good one" -- and apparently that's enough. I'm enough innately competitive that my second thought is, like, "Am I a good hapooda? Should I be practicing something? But what?" and then I'm like, "Gross. Chances are: No."

I had no idea race riots were this much fun, right, but that's when everything goes nuts and everybody starts shooting at everybody else. Which is thrilling, but remember also please that these are Kalish, so they're shooting at people from the walls and the ceiling and standing at difficult angles and climbing around quick as a flash. It's tremendously exciting. The Scarran comes back in like, "A race riot! Hell no," and starts whining into the PA. Rygel comms to John: "Now, leave now. And never doubt your Dominar again." Yes! This is so awesome. Everybody shooting! All the people screaming all over! Guns and explosions! Sikozu kicks some people through a fucking wall! Sikozu goes to her bioloid buddy and they put their hands on each other's forearms and say sho-kana-sho to each other and he tells her to run, so she does.

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